Dinner Reservations
by quietruby
Summary: When dinner isn't the only thing on the menu... AH; BxJxExL
1. Chapter 1 Monday

**Chapter 1 - Monday**

The screen saver blips from spot to spot, which is exactly the way my head is: all over the place. I'm completely unfocused on work and everything else except for the conversations that occurred this weekend.

Saturday night was like most Saturday nights this past year. The Cullens and Jake and I had dinner again – seafood this time. We've been having such a good time with Edward and Leah. They're light and funny and we all just mesh so well.

Before we left that night, I sat on the bed, watching Jake slide into his crisp, blue button down shirt – the one that complimented his olive skin tone so nicely. He smelled good too. It was that musky scent on him that I loved. I wasn't sure why he started wearing it again after so long, but I wasn't questioning it.

Jake's eyes briefly ran over me. "You look nice," he said in a far-off, not-really-here way. I took the rare compliment anyway. Beggars can't be choosers.

We arrived at the restaurant and spotted the Cullens at the bar, drinks in hand. Kisses and handshakes were exchanged as usual. Drinks for Jake and I ordered, arrived and sipped. As what seemed to become habit, we all chatted about nonchalant things like work and potential dishes for dinner.

We were seated soon after. We ordered, ate, and drank more. Too much more. By the end of the night, with our plates cleared, we sat sipping the remnants of our drinks and that's when the conversation started.

"So, guys," Leah began, winding a finger round and round the edge of her wine glass. She paused, watching her finger rotate around, then peeked up to Edward then to Jake and to me. "Edward and I wanted to ask you both something…actually, we wanted your opinion, Bella – Jake already knows…"

I raised my eyebrow at Jake who was grinning. He sat up a little straighter.

I looked to Edward who was focused on his glass – no readable expression there. I looked back to Leah.

"Yeah?"

Leah nodded. "Yeah." She glanced over her shoulder quickly, checking out the surrounding tables then leaned in, lowering her voice. "This past year has been so much fun for us, Bella. We've loved getting to know you guys and have really looked forward to our Saturday night double dates with you two…" She glanced around again while I nodded. I was dying of curiosity of course. What did they want to tell me? I knocked back the rest of my drink.

"We – Edward, Jake and I – would like to take this to the next level, Bella…if you know what I mean." She stares into my eyes, willing me to understand – which I didn't really.

"Next level? You want to go on a vacation together or something?"

They all giggled in their own ways, leaving me to feel stupid and out of the loop, which I always seemed to be.

Leah shook her head and scooted her chair closer to me. She took my hand. "The next level Bella is…sexually. We would like to…um, explore each other in that way."

My eyes widened. My heart stopped and a burning heat rushed up my neck and exploded out of my ears. I looked to Jake who was half-smiling, Edward who was still looking down, and Leah who searched my eyes for an answer. I was speechless. Actually, no I wasn't.

"What? You want to… sleep with me, Leah?"

Leah's smile widened further. "Not exactly… we want to, you know, switch partners."

My jaw hit the floor. Hard. "Switch?" I swallowed. I could hardly breathe. "As in…you sleep with Jake and I sleep with…Edward?" My stomach twisted. It rolled. I looked over at Edward who, although he was staring at his glass and his fingers were wiping off the condensation on it, was red-cheeked…and grinning. My face whipped to Jake who was smiling that charming, dimpled smile he knows I can't resist when he wants to buy something we can't afford…and now he was using it to ask for…this?

Good manners stopped me from making a scene and running out, so I sat frozen in my chair with all eyes on me, waiting. Seems like I was the final vote, the one to determine if this happens or not. All I could think of was: When did Jake know? Why didn't he ask me? Why now? Why here? Why does he want this?

As if I don't know why…

The bile rose.

Leah pressed, "What do you think, Bella? …I know Edward finds you very attractive." She trailed her hand along my thigh to my knee.

I leapt up. "I don't know." I grabbed my purse and sprinted out. Everyone followed.

We got outside where the cool air wasn't enough to calm me. I was breathing too fast, too hard. My head spun.

"Bella," I heard Jake call, jogging behind me as I reached the car, yanking on the handle. I just wanted inside the car. I wanted in and I wanted no other words spoken.

"I want to go home, Jake." My voice was as shaky as my hands.

The three of them surrounded me against the car.

"Bella, calm down," Leah said with what was supposed to be some kind of reassuring smile. "We don't have to…it's just we all were talking and the idea came up. We don't have to, really, it's just…haven't you wanted to try new things sometimes? Haven't you, I don't know, run into a guy and thought maybe you'd like to know what he's like in bed?"

I shook my head, but she continued.

"Jake told us how the two of you have only been with each other…that can strain a relationship, you know? All the questions and wondering…so, this could answer some of that."

Jake stepped in to say, "Haven't you ever wondered, Bella – about other people – what it would be like?"

I shook my head again. My eyes were wide. My throat was choked with fear and embarrassment.

"Yes, you have," he demanded. "Everyone does. It's normal. We've been together since we were eighteen. Eighteen, Bella. We've known nothing else and…I'm just going to say it: I need to know what it's like…with someone else."

I exploded. "What the fuck, Jake? We're having THIS conversation now? Here? In front of them? What is wrong with you?" I pulled on the door handle again, wanting inside, wanting this conversation to just go away.

I caught a fleeting glance of Edward silently appraising me from behind Jake and Leah, leaning on the car next to ours. My heart pounded.

Leah stepped in front of Jake. "Bella, we don't have to, really. It's just an idea that we had and…it's okay. We don't want to lose your friendship over this, you know? Really."

"Take me home – NOW – Jake. Now!"

Jake sighed and unlocked the door. I threw myself inside, not feeling any better or safer. I watched Jake say a quick goodbye to the Cullens, who casually walked to their car. Jake opened the driver's door and started the car.

"Bella-"

"Shut up."

Jake sighed.

We drove home in horrible, thick silence. Tears welled, anger rose. The moment we entered our house I couldn't stop myself. I spun around to face him.

"What the fuck?" I pushed him in the chest. "How could you talk to them about this…and not me? Leave me to find out this way? I know we've been distant, but…hell, don't you love me anymore?" I couldn't breathe. I was suddenly at this critical moment in our life together and…I didn't see it coming. How didn't I see it coming?

Jake held up his hands. "Calm down, Bella. It's just an idea."

"Yeah, and I'm the only one not for it?" The tears fell hard. "Do you love me or not?"

"Of course. Of course I do…it's just…we've known nothing else. And you're right – there's been so much distance between us. For a long time now I've not felt complete. It's like I have this burning desire to see what it's like out there – you know, quench the fire kind of thing. And then we can go back to normal."

"Normal? Go back to normal?"

"Yes, normal. That's the point, Bella. We're off course, and I'm hoping that by switching it'll reignite our own fire – make it hot again…be honest, you think of someone else while we're fucking, don't you?"

"Thinking of someone else and actually fucking someone else are two massively different things, Jake!"

"But it doesn't have to be such a big deal. It doesn't have to be this make-or-break thing. It doesn't have to be anything more than just sex."

"Am I not adequate?"

"You are, but… we were so young when we got together and…I have to find out what else is out there. I don't want to stray behind your back, you know? I'd never do that to you."

"But you'd fuck someone else in front of me?"

"No. We'd all be in separate rooms. No group sex."

"That's not what I mean, you asshole!" I punched his arm. He didn't flinch.

"God, Bella. We only know each other – doesn't that bother you? Don't you ever wonder what it would be like with someone else?"

Of course I did, but that wasn't the point. "No. I've been fine with how it's been."

"Don't kid yourself, 'fine' isn't enough. Eventually 'fine' will lead us in separate directions. I don't want divorce, Bella; I want us to stay together, it's just this one thing. I just need to know, to get an answer to my question."

I turned to walk away. Jake grabbed my arm and stopped me. "Be honest, Bella…I've noticed how you look at Edward. You blush, you giggle, you play with your hair…there's that look in your eye, and I know this because you're as curious as I am…admit it. I know this is…unconventional, but it's what we need – the both of us."

My voice was barely a whisper when I said, "I can't believe you want someone else to touch me. Feel me, be inside me."

A heat passed over his face. "It kind of turns me on."

I shook my head. "What?"

"It does, so sue me. The whole idea of you being in one room with Edward, me being in the other…is hot. It is. Sorry. I'm just being honest. You deserve passion…fire. We both do." He waited for me to talk, but what was there to say? My whole life had just altered course.

"Just think about it, okay? Don't let your preconceived notions cloud the kind of opportunity this is." He kissed me on the forehead and headed to the bedroom, leaving me standing in the living room alone.

I was crushed. Still am. My husband wants to be with another woman, and he isn't hiding it, he's being honest. He needs more. He doesn't feel like we connect, which is…true. Too true. For at least a year our sex life has been the sort of battle where sleep wins out most of the time. And the times we have had sex…it was…rote. Predictable. You move this way, I'll move that way, we'll get off and roll over to sleep. It's not hot. At all. But isn't that marriage? Isn't that normal? Doesn't everyone have times in their marriage where things lull?

But to suggest sleeping with someone else's partner is…insane! Perverted! Wrong! What about our marriage vows – forsaking all others? Is it possible to go back to 'normal' once the deed is done? What happens the next morning? Do I ask how it was? Ask for a report card to compare me to her?

The whole situation highlighted every insecurity and worry I've ever had.

Yesterday, Sunday, had been oddly regular. We rose slowly, ate bagels and read the paper leisurely. We worked while football played on the TV. And even though my body was present, my mind was everywhere else.

Eventually I struck up the nerve to ask, "What if I lose you in all this?"

Jake looked up from his blueprints, and without skipping a beat said, "You won't. I don't want divorce, Bella. I don't. You're my best friend." He paused and leaned forward to stroke my cheek. "That won't change. I just need something you can't offer me right now. It's not a flaw of yours."

"It feels like a flaw."

He shook his head and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. "It's not. I promise."

I nodded and pretended to go back to reviewing my papers.

The day came and went… and now it's Monday and I'm at my workstation wondering whether to agree to this insanity or not, even though I already feel defeated.

**A/N:**

**Thanks so much for reading. Your thoughts and time mean so much!**

**This story will update daily, sometimes more than once a day till it's done. In fact, chapter 2 updates later today.**

**Special thanks to: Shoeluvver for being so kind as to beta this;****EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for their kick-arse prereading skillz. They are welcome to storm my castle any day. :)**

**Hope to see you all later.**


	2. Chapter 2 Monday Evening

**Chapter 2: Monday night**

We're sitting at dinner, Jake and I. Part of my wife role is to cook, so I do. Roasted chicken and potatoes. My heart isn't in it. Not that it ever has been…I'm not much of a cook.

Jake's trying to make small talk and although that's the usual routine, it suddenly feels so forced. So awful. So cold.

I interrupt his conversation about his boss. "When did you come up with this plan?"

He raises an eyebrow, momentarily unsure of what I'm referring to. I give him a hard stare to indicate I don't mean work.

He looks down at his plate. "Um…a month or so ago. Edward and I golfed…I went over to his house after and…I don't know, it just came up."

I examine him. "How does something like that just come up?"

He sighs, mashing the potatoes through the tines of the fork. "I don't know. The Cullens had just celebrated their anniversary, and I guess it started there."

"Did they bring up the idea or did you?"

Jake's face reddens. "Edward did… I guess he and Leah wondered, you know, if we felt the same about the passion thing…they noticed a tension between us," Jake pauses as if he's wondering whether he should confess the rest. "I just started talking, Bella. I didn't mean anything by it. I wasn't trying to betray you by talking with them, but they feel the same way I do."

"Which is?"

"Disconnected. Desperate for change. Wanting to know what else is out there, but not wanting to lose what you have."

"And you aren't afraid you'll lose me?"

"No, because my heart isn't in it, just my body. I know, I'm horrible, selfish even, but you and I both feel this way. I can tell, Bella. I can tell by the way you touch me that the passion isn't there like it used to be. It's not. Admit it. You want that passion back again, don't you? And I think that by exploring with someone else – finding out how they turn you on, well, you can come back to me afterwards and tell me what he did that you might want me to do, you know?"

I narrow my eyes. "No, I don't know, Jake. Do you think I really want to know how Leah sexed you up so right, so perfectly? I mean, Jesus! Talk about feeling inadequate!" I throw down my fork down, clanking loudly against the plate.

He reaches for my hand. "I swear it isn't like that. If you and I hadn't met till after college we would have had some experience to bring to the table, you know? Be able to say I like this or that or I don't like this or that."

I have no response. All of this seems entirely surreal. Horribly, gut-wrenchingly surreal.

Jake breathes, staring at his plate. Several moments pass. "We don't have to do this. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay, Jake. Even if I say no, the fact is that I know you want this. If I say no, you'll probably go behind my back."

He says nothing, and it's all the confirmation I need.

We eat the rest of dinner in silence…angry, frustrated silence. We go to bed the same way. Opposite sides. Opposing ideas.

**A/N:**

**Another post tomorrow! **

**Thanks for your lovely reviews so far! I absolutely love reading them! Plus, I'm trying to respond to them, but if you have your pm's disabled, I can't. Anyhoo, thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**Again, many thanks to: Shoeluvver for betaing this;****EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for pre-reading. These h00rs know how to rock it. :)**

**Hope to see you all tomorrow! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 Tuesday

**Chapter 3: Tuesday**

When we awake the next morning Jake heads his way, I head mine. Are we already too far apart to reconnect? How didn't I see it?

I spend the day working hard, throwing myself into every project I have going. I don't give my head a free moment.

By the time I get home I'm shocked to find Jake there, cooking for us.

"Hey."

"Hi," he says with a small smile, stirring some rice.

"What's all this?" I notice the table is set with the good china and cloth napkins. There's even a candle waiting to be lit.

Jake smiles. "It's me, trying to show you that I still love you."

I nod even though it feels more like a slap in the face.

He kisses me softly on the cheek. I force myself not to wince.

"Go change. Dinner will be ready in five."

I nod again. I plop on my bed feeling a hundred shades of confused.

He loves me…

…But wants to fuck someone else.

I change and head back to the kitchen. Jake pours me a glass of wine. Spoons the food onto the plates.

Tears pool in my eyes.

"Don't cry," he whispers.

"Why can't we just work on us? Go to a counselor? Find out what we really need?"

He shakes his head and breathes. "Because. I already know what I need. It's simple. It's not anything more than what it is. I just need one night, Bella. Just one. It's all it has to be."

"When?" I ask in a mere whisper.

Jake pauses. "Saturday?"

Oh God. Four days from now.

I say not another word and eat. Mindlessly, but I eat. Again, we head to bed and sleep farther apart than ever before, at least it feels that way. I lie in the dark trying to remember the last time he reached for me in bed. Even just to hold me. I fall asleep before I can remember.

**A/N:**

**Some chapters are longer/shorter than others (weekend days longest, j/s) but... update tomorrow! **

**I am so excited that you're enjoying this story, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you very much for the thoughts and reactions and hopes regarding the characters and storyline. Means so much to me!**

**As always, a big thank you to Shoeluvver, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for being the giant h00rs they are. :) They are simply the best! **


	4. Chapter 4: Wednesday

**Chapter 4: Wednesday**

No answer surfaces yet. I keep myself busy with work. Have to. Can't let my head come up for air.

Except for lunch. I'm too immersed in a project to head to the cafeteria, so I sit at my desk and shovel in my sandwich. Big mistake. I glance around my office and immediately the thoughts begin…how many people here have switched? Swung? What is the proper term anyway? God, this isn't normal. It's deviant actually. It's wrong. Goes against everything. How can he think this is the answer? Maybe this is just buying time before we end things? Suddenly, I want to cry. My chest is so chock full of hurt that it's ready to burst. I want to put my head on my desk and sob – hard and long.

I get home and remember that Jake has to work late. He'll probably come home when I'm already sleeping. Is this what it'll be like if I say no? Will there be more late nights sexing up someone else without me knowing?

I walk laps around my house, kitchen-living room-dining room-kitchen-living room-dining room…I'm fuming and nauseous. How can I give him a green light? I'm not okay with this!

My nighttime routine takes over, calming me. I have to go to work tomorrow. Can't stay awake all night thinking, but as I lie in the cold bed, questions bombard me from every angle. It isn't long before I simply collapse from the mental exhaustion, because the next time I open my eyes, it's morning.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so very much for all the thoughtful reviews! LOVE reading them!**

**Trying to be real-time about this and all, so two updates tomorrow - one in the morning tomorrow then one in the evening. Thanks for being patient with the shorter chapters. It's just how the story unfolds. Longer ones to come.**

**Once again, many thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina 312 for their mostly honest thoughts. LOL**


	5. Chapter 5: Thursday Morning

**Chapter 5: Thursday Morning**

I look to my left. Jake's home. Sleeping. With me. His face is soft, relaxed. I gaze at his full lips that I've kissed thousands of times…he wants someone else to kiss those…he wants to taste someone else's body with them too…wait, not someone else's - Leah's.

Why her?

What's wrong with me? I'm attractive, aren't I? He used to think so anyway.

Of course, Leah is a better dresser; she has that stylish flair that never really came naturally to me. Maybe that's it. Maybe if I had some kind of makeover it would do me good – do us good. Keep this from happening.

But Saturday is only two days away and he wants an answer. 'They' want an answer. They're all on board. And in the matter of one Thursday and one Friday it can all change, can't it? Today we're committed, but by Saturday…it'll change? Become this odd, disturbing hybrid of commitment and experiment?

My stomach rolls.

I don't want my marriage to end. I don't.

Jake says he doesn't either. He may think he doesn't want our marriage to end now, but what about after he has his way with Leah? Finds out that what he's been missing needs far more than just one night to get worked out?

I stop my thoughts, realizing I could lie in bed all day wondering, just like I've been doing since this whole mess started.

I stand in the shower, my tears mixing with the water. I don't need this, but he does. He says this is the only thing he wants, that he needs.

I leave it there because I have to. Nothing is going to be worked out in the shower or anywhere else for that matter.

**A/N:**

**Thanks so much for reading! I truly love reading your reactions, thoughts and hopes of Jake dying by junk punch or bus. :) Another update later today.**

**Many thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Raina312 and Cosmogirl312 for their help with this. xo**


	6. Chapter 6: Thursday Evening

**Chapter 6: Thursday Evening**

I make dinner like a good wife. His favorite - steak.

He enters, says hello, kisses me on the head and walks off to the bedroom to change. I can feel the tension when he comes back to the table. Dinner is served.

"How was your day?" he asks.

"Fine. Yours?"

He nods. "Good…good."

Silence. Eating.

It's there waiting…

He wants to know my answer. I can see it in the quick way he's eating, the way his heel taps quietly under the table. He won't look at me.

I push my food around. I mechanically slide a forkful of food in my mouth. I watch Jake from the corner of my eye.

The buildup inside me happens so fast and before I know it I'm saying, "Saturday. Dinner. For the four of us… to talk."

Jake's eyes rush to meet mine. He lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. "Talk?"

"Talk. Rules. Parameters. Have they done this before? Is this how they live their lives?"

He nods. Way too enthusiastically. "Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Saturday. Dinner. The four of us. To talk."

I nod in confirmation. I'm shocked at myself. Why the hell am I cracking open the door to this?

**A/N:**

**Update tomorrow, then longer daily chapter updates during the weekend.**

**I am in love with every single review. For real. They are all so thoughtful and emotional and the questions! Amazing! To answer a common one: you'll find out more about Edward and his side of the situation at some point. Again, thank you for reading. I know this can be a hard story, so I truly appreciate your time and love.**

**As always, thank you to my friends who gave me great feedback: Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Raina312 and Cosmogirl7481. All awesome pajama-jean wearing ladies!**


	7. Chapter 7: Friday

**Chapter 7: Friday **

Can't sleep. Haven't most of the night. Just that restless, catnap sleep that's left me even more tired. I glance at the clock: 6:30 am. Nearly time to get up for the day. The room is silent; so silent that if I turned a page in a book, it'd be too loud.

I shift to face Jake in the dark. His silhouette is the familiar shape that's been a part of every night of my adulthood, nearly half my life. It's comforting, but frightening now, too.

I want to get inside his head and take a good look around at his motivations, his crooked way of thinking.

I'm desperate for him to hold me. To soothe my worries. It barely registers that my fingers inch closer to him, reaching for his bare back. I know he's warm… smooth.

Hold me, Jake…

Perhaps if we make love here, now, it'll change his mind. He'll remember his desire for me. He won't need Leah.

I just about touch him when he stirs. I snatch my hand away.

He blinks. Cranes his neck toward the clock then finds my face. "Why are you awake so early?"

I shrug.

Hold me… Wrap me up... Tell me sweet things...

He stretches, tight and trembling. He yawns wide. "Well, better get up." He's up and out of bed before I can even fake a grin. The day begins. The last day before our collective 'date'.

**A/N:**

**Even though I'm mostly offline this weekend, I'll be updating each day (sorry, I checked - this Sunday's post is short. It's next week that's longer both days). Of course, as always, thank you for taking the time to read and review. It means so much because as a writer it's nice to know that I'm actually conveying something emotional. :) **

**Thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Raina312 and Cosmogirl7481! I want to rock with all of them, all night, dance them into sunlight Michael Jackson style! *snort***


	8. Chapter 8: Saturday

**Chapter 8: Saturday**

By Saturday evening I'm popping Motrin hoping it'll stop my head from spinning. I only wish I had some kind of medicine for my heart.

I've spent the last day and a half watching Jake smile at me here and there, like a pat on the back for granting his wish. I've cracked open the door to this mess and he's happier than I've seen him in a long, long time.

And it pisses me off. I want to punch a pillow, a wall…his head.

He could have tried talking to me a long time ago! Told me he was feeling so disconnected! We could have tried something more…traditional. Normal. But no. He's backed me into a corner now.

Hell, I could divorce him. I could leave. I don't have to give a blank sex check to my husband. I could go…

But I can't. I'm ashamed to admit that he's right. He's all I know… and I don't want him to leave my life. How would I live every day without him? Without his warmth next to me? I know all his moves, his sighs; I can even predict his mood the moment he walks in the door. I know when he needs space and when he wants me close…which hasn't been much as of late, has it? He hasn't held me…doesn't even try. Am I that plain? That boring?

Damn it! I'm so frustrated! I have lots to offer. I'm still worthy, aren't I? Valuable and sexy? Yes! Fuck this! Jake needs to see exactly what he's sidelining. Two can play at this game.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and plow through to the back of my closet on a mission. I dig out the black, silk wrap dress that I haven't worn in at least three years. Had no reason to.

The dress fits well, surprisingly. Hugs the hips. Accentuates the boobs. Slenderizes the waist.

I slip into the most seductive shoes in my closet. Five inches of black, patent-leather sex on my feet can't hurt. Well, not my battered ego anyway. My toes are already screaming.

I take time with my hair in the bathroom, scrunching it to enhance the long waves I normally brush out.

My makeup is flawless, but only because I used the gobs of makeup I bought during the summer at Macy's and followed the makeup artist's instructions. It takes me forever, but that's okay.

I hear Jake in the bedroom, opening and shutting dresser drawers. I examine myself in the mirror again. Leah might be pretty and thin, but I look as good if not better. Far better than I did at eighteen, that's for sure.

I step out into our bedroom as Jake is buttoning up his shirt. He catches my eye in the dresser's mirror and his hands freeze on a button.

I continue to get ready. I attach simple blue topaz stud earrings and a matching teardrop jewel necklace that sparkles its way down the low V of my neckline, between the cleavage my push-up bra provides.

"You look nice," I hear Jake say as if he means it.

"Thanks," I say and exit the room.

We're silent on the drive over. He tries to put a hand on my knee. When I tense up he removes it and clears his throat.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine, thanks. You?" And I do so well at keeping my tone even and steady, but I'm nervous as hell. Just the thought of discussing this thing unnerves me.

He nods and continues driving.

We arrive at the restaurant. Leah and Edward are there already, at the bar. Leah spots us over Edward's shoulder and waves to us. Edward turns around and locks eyes with mine.

Edward smirks.

I smirk back... and breathe.

Game fucking on, Jake.

I march over. "Hi," I say eagerly to them both. I kiss Leah's cheek as usual, but when I kiss Edward's I notice how nice he smells. Like the outdoors. I linger a moment longer than normal. He pulls back slowly, his eyes on mine. They're dark. I never noticed before, and it makes my heart do an odd little flip.

"You look really nice, Bella," Leah says, smiling.

"Thank you," I say as my eyes float over to Edward, who grins a little wider.

"What would you like to drink?" Jake asks me, garnering my full attention with a light hand on my back. I tense up again at his touch, but answer him with a direct stare. "Tequila." He narrows his eyes slightly, knowing that I don't like hard drinks, but orders it for me anyway.

No sooner do I have my drink in hand than our table is called. Leah and Jake lead the way, but as I reach for my purse on the bar, Edward grabs it and hands it to me with a flawless smile. "You look beautiful tonight, Bella." His deep, sincere tone, the pause before he lets me take my purse, his intense gaze all ignite my face into flames.

"Thank you," I say, stunned…and having forgotten all the clutter in my head for a mere moment. But then the rush of nerves and frustration hits me again and I turn, walking as casually as possible to the square table in the corner.

The four of us sit, reading the menu. Jake's to my left, Edward's to my right and Leah's across from me. I'm pretending to look at my menu until I sneak a peek at Jake who is quietly talking with Leah. Then I glance over at Edward who is watching me.

I flush again and grin. He looks the same as he always has, but somehow…different too. Both his dark auburn hair, that's still a little damp on the sides, and the deep green of his shirt brings out his eyes. He looks gentlemanly, but also…a little dangerous. Mischievous even. Maybe it's just my imagination.

Or not.

He brought up the whole idea to begin with, which makes me wonder – why? He and Leah don't look unhappy or undersexed, but then…I'm not sure Jake and I appear that way from the outside either.

Edward grins back at me and leans toward me. "What do you think you want?"

Want? As in what kind of sex? What?

I'm heated and flushed and embarrassed and it must be obvious because he chuckles quietly and rephrases. "On the menu…what are you going to order?"

I breathe out, not caring that I just exhaled loudly. "Oh, um…" I glance at the menu. "I'm not sure. Have you been here before?"

He pauses, continuing to gaze at me. "Never. I'd never thought about coming here before."

Once again, I get the sense we're talking different topics. I nod and actually read the menu this time.

My heart is thumping. Must be all the nerves. I decide on chicken. Chicken is normal, comforting, safe. Once I decide, I place my menu down, and the moment I do Edward says, "How was your day, Bella?"

"It was good," I lie, thinking about the many hours of nausea this morning. "Ran some errands, the usual Saturday stuff. Yours?" I sip my drink. God, I need it.

"I thought maybe you bought that dress today. Haven't seen you in it before."

Since when does Edward notice my clothes? I look down and, from my vantage point, my boobs are hanging out. I'm tempted to shift the sides of my neckline inward, but I refrain.

"I've had this for a couple years. Saw it in the closet and figured I'd wear it. Surprisingly, it still fits."

"Very well, too," he says softly.

Goosebumps prickle down my arms as if he whispered that in my ear. "You look nice too," I say without thought.

He smiles wider, glancing quickly at Jake, who I can feel is watching us.

I drink my drink, ignoring Jake and glance around the restaurant. It's sleek and modern. Bold edges, muted colors, soft lighting. It's busy and just loud enough to cover our conversation…whenever it happens. My stomach rolls. I finish my drink.

"You want another one?" Edward asks.

"Um…all right."

The waitress appears. We order our dinner and Edward orders my drink.

The four of us sit in silence for a few. It's not unusual, but the mood's definitely different than it's ever been. To me at least. Maybe they've already wrapped their heads around this…thing. I'm still adjusting. Trying to reason it through, if that's even possible.

Leah begins talking to Jake about work. She's an interior designer; he's an architect so they sometimes collaborate on projects. It's how we all got to know one another in the first place.

Of course, Edward and I don't share the same connection. Edward's an antiques dealer – or more like a dealer in very fine things. And as the boring accountant of the group, it's only my hobby as a photographer that's kept me a part of creative conversations the three of them often have.

Edward leans toward me. "That's topaz isn't it?" He reaches forward and tucks a wavy lock behind my ear.

My lips part of their own accord. I nod. "Yes. I…I thought they contrasted the black well."

"They do. Very much so, especially the necklace. It's a beautiful piece…may I?"

Holy shit. Is he asking to touch the bauble that is literally between my boobs? "Sure," I say, not sure at all.

He smiles. And like a dam bursting, this unexpected reserve of heat floods out of me, causing my heart to race and my breath to hitch. I notice how gently he takes the gem between his fingers, turning it and allowing the light to invade the cuts. "I believe it's real."

I can hardly breathe and I'm pretty much at a loss for words. "My grandmother…gave it to me…the set. It's old."

He nods and just as carefully places it back on my skin that is prickling like no tomorrow. "It's nearly as… it's beautiful."

I blink, trying to understand why I suddenly have this no-holds-barred urge to kiss him.

"So, Bella…thanks for being open enough to have this conversation," Leah says forcing me back to the moment.

I nod. I drink a little more. "Yeah."

"I know you have questions and whatnot, so feel free to ask."

All eyes are on me, and it figures that every single one of the millions of questions that have bounced around my head all week are gone. Evaporated. Gonzo.

I shake my head, trying to find the first question…then it hits me. "What's the expectation here?"

Leah smiles patiently. "I think it should be whatever is comfortable for everyone."

"Comfortable?"

Leah nods. "Yeah. This is just an experiment, if you will, sweetie. It's supposed to be fun and…exciting. Something new to add to the mix. And I think that any one of us can put a halt to all this. Just say the word and it all stops. I think that's important – deal?"

I nod. Everyone nods. I drink more. I glance at Edward who is leaning back as if he's relaxed, but is instead listening and watching carefully with those intense green eyes. He's beautiful. How have I not seen it before?

I shake off whatever it is that's clouding me. I need answers. "Have you two done this before?"

"No," Leah says. "We haven't."

"So why us?"

"Why not you?" she counters. "You're both sweet and fun and very attractive. What's not to like?" She smiles wide at Jake. He smiles and blushes.

I drink. "For how long?"

"Hmm?" Leah asks.

"How long – one night? Two? Is this going to be a weekly thing for you two?" I say pointing between her and Jake.

Leah sits back, her head tilted questioningly. "I think we should take it one night at a time. See where to go from there."

Jake jumps in, "Actually, I think it might be better to have a whole weekend away."

My heart drops, no, plummets to the very depths of hell. I want to run away again, screaming. "A weekend away? What!"

Jake puts his hands up. "No, no, Bella. I'm just trying to make this…easy – for all of us. If it's just one night then, I don't know…I almost feel like it would be too fast to make the experience count, you know?"

I shake my head while the tears rise fast. But so help me God, I refuse to lose it at the table. "Fine. A weekend. Let's go for it." And then I shut my eyes and down my almost full drink in one gulp. When I open my eyes, they're all gawking at me. "What? I'm thirsty."

Edward clears his throat and fuck me if I don't see a smirk behind that glass he's putting to his lips.

I glance at Jake who is once again, beaming. Asshole.

Leah adds, "And we can meet up Sunday night – to discuss how everything was, okay?"

Everyone nods. I feel like puking.

Our dinner arrives and there's no question it's awkward. I have no idea how we'll come out of this and be 'normal' again as Jake suggests.

But soon enough, conversation rolls back to normal, everyday things. Work, car troubles, house repairs.

By the end of the night, we're standing in the parking lot between our cars. Leah and Jake are smiling and biting their lips and it's all I can do not to punch them both square in the jaw.

Thank God Edward distracts me. "Bella," he says quietly, causing me to turn away from the pathetic twosome of Jake and Leah. "Would you mind if I texted you later in the week? Just to go over the weekend stuff."

I'll take Death for $500, Alex.

"Text?" I repeat because, that was all I heard, well, that and 'weekend'.

Edward nods, looking at his shoes for a second. "Just so you know what to bring."

Bring? Oh my God…what have I agreed to? What the hell am I doing? Holy fuck! I am not ready for this – at all! "Yeah, that's fine."

I pull at the door handle loudly. Jake turns. "Ready to go, honey?"

Honey? Did he just dare refer to me as 'honey'? I send the death stare straight at him. He clamps his stupid mouth shut and unlocks the door. With a quick goodbye we're in the car and on the way home.

'Home'. Ha.

We make it into the house as silently as the car ride, except now Jake's trying to act normal, actually attempting to talk about how nice dinner was while we get ready for bed. I say nothing. He continues anyway.

The night passes, and I hardly sleep. All I can think of is that next week this time, Jake will be sleeping next to Leah…well, maybe not sleeping exactly. Oh fuck.

**A/N:**

**Eep. Another update tomorrow (It's short, sorry. Am really just going as the story appeared to me. Next weekend's are much longer.). **

**As always, thank you for reading and reviewing. I've managed enough internet access this weekend to post and am looking forward to reading your thoughts when I get home.**

**Special thanks to the h00rs of H00r Lane: Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481, Raina312. They've** **been so kind and supportive!**


	9. Chapter 9: Sunday

**Chapter 9: Sunday**

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A whole weekend away...what the hell?

The knot in my stomach wrings itself into tight clump. It makes me want to lie down and hide, but I don't. I have no other choice but to try to act normally. I stay calm and breathe in and out in counts of four. I can't let this drag me under.

But I say nothing to him. I'll crack if I have to. I only nod when he asks if I'm okay and if I want a bagel, but when he asks if I had a nice time at dinner last night, I get up and leave the room.

If I have to wager a guess, I'd say the arctic air still whips loudly through the house. It's obvious. In fact, the only time I speak is to say 'move' when he's in my way in the kitchen.

Thank God Jake leaves to go to the gym for a couple hours. Hasn't done that in quite some time, has he?

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**A/N:**

**Many, many thanks for reading and reviewing. It means so much, and I'm excited to read your thoughts! They always make me smile and think and question aspects of the story I hadn't thought of. Next weekend will be here quickly, but updates daily till then. :)**

**Special thank yous to: Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for their magical, house-elf help. I give each of you socks! :)**

****Hope you all had a great BD weekend and I hope **to see you all tomorrow!**


	10. Chapter 10: Monday

**Chapter 10: Monday**

Four more days…and four more nights until the weekend. I try to shut off the countdown clock in my head but it won't stop.

So I work and work and work. I have never been so caught up on my work! God, I'm restless as hell.

I think Jake wants to talk, but I've managed to avoid him so far tonight. He enters the kitchen; I enter the living room. He enters the living room; I enter the bathroom. It's a little like cat-and-mouse, except I feel like I've already been caught. Chewed up. Digested.

I hold steady though - no tears; and I fight the urge to run away from here. Far, far away…

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**A/N:**

**A million thank yous to all of you reading and reviewing! I love the emotions this seems to bring out! Another update tomorrow and two on Wednesday. :) **

**Much love and thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for helping me with every chapter. xoxo**


	11. Chapter 11: Tuesday

**Chapter 11: Tuesday **

Running…

My feet slap the pavement. Pounding. Relentless. It's hard to see and breathe. I choke on the frigid wind and mist that pelts my face...

I bolt up in bed, sweating. I breathe. Glance at the clock: 7:30 am. Jake's already up and probably out, thank God.

That's it. Maybe I need to exercise too.

I rummage through to the bottom of my dresser drawers for gym clothes to bring to work. I've never used the work gym before, but maybe it's time. Maybe a workout will expend some of this energy before I really fuck up my job, which is the glue holding me together at this point.

Breathe…

I hit the office gym at lunch hour. I run. Fast. Haven't run in years. Feels good. Clears the head. Sort of.

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**A/N:**

**Inching our way toward the weekend... tomorrow has 2 updates! JSYK, FFN has been denying me access to reply to reviews (says something about an using an old link - on everyone's acct? If you know something I can do, please pm me!). I'm very sorry. Hopefully they get their act in gear soon! In any case, your reviews are so heartfelt and I love how connected some of you are to the story and to Bella and her situation. Thank you for taking the time to read and review even with short updates! Truly means a ton.**

**Thank you to my friends (aka: guinea pigs) who helped me with this (aka: subjected to this): Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. MWAH!**


	12. Chapter 12: Wednesday Morning

**Chapter 12: Wednesday Morning**

Who the hell said exercise was good for you? Because they deserve to have weights chucked at their head.

I can barely lift my arm to hit the snooze button. My body is exhausted. I'm afraid to roll over…not because of Jake, but because my hips hurt.

One…two…three…I hurl myself forward and up. God, that's painful. I hang my legs off the bed, steeling myself for the next portion: making it to the far off land of my bathroom, which is approximately ten feet, or nine millions miles away.

Again, I count to three and stand. I breathe. I begin inching my legs forward – shuffling really, like I'm ninety and not thirty. Each step gets a little easier. When I finally hit the hot shower my body tingles and relaxes. By the time I'm done getting dressed I feel okay. Definitely more mobile. I head downstairs slowly. Jake is just finishing up his breakfast.

"Hi," he says.

"Hey," I more or less grunt in response.

"Not feeling well today?"

"I'm fine." I'm moving about as best as I can, gathering a bowl for the cereal and milk. Jake grabs my arm to stop me.

"Bella."

I stop and wait for him to speak, looking him in the eye.

"It's going to be okay. You know that, don't you?"

I yank my arm away. "You're twisted, Jake. I don't get you. At all."

He shakes his head. "It'll be fine, Bella. It will. You have to trust me. I know you better than you think. Believe me, you need this too. You do." He goes to stroke my cheek. I pull away.

He sighs, glances at his watch. "Can we discuss this more later? I have to get to work." He plants a quick kiss on my cheek and leaves.

I wipe the kiss from my cheek like a child and eat breakfast.

**A/N:**

**Another update tonight. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I truly appreciate it!**

**Thanks also to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. Awesome ladies!**


	13. Chapter 13: Wednesday Night

**Chapter 13: Wednesday Night**

Jake is late. Left a message about having to finish blueprints. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but now I'm wondering if he's really working. God. How did we get here? This whole nightmare is tearing me apart.

I begin making myself some pasta. Reaching around the kitchen still makes me ache, but it's much better than in the morning. Plus, I ran again at lunchtime and was surprised to find that running helped ease the soreness.

I sift through the mail while the water heats. Bills, advertisements…the usual. My cell beeps.

A text.

From Edward.

My heart begins this weird thumping again. Fuck. I'm so on-edge I can't even handle a text.

**Hi Bella. How are you?**

**Hi Edward. I'm fine, you?**

**Good, thanks. So about this weekend…just pack casual, warm clothes, okay? Jeans, sneakers, sweatshirts, etc. We're not doing anything too fancy, if that's okay with you.**

**That's fine.**

**Can I pick you up on Friday evening? Or would you rather drive to me?**

**Whatever is fine. **

**Okay, I'll come by and pick you up at 6. Does that work?**

**Yes.**

**Could you bring your camera too?**

Camera? For what? Naked pictures that are NOT going to happen? **Sure.**

**Great. Looking forward to seeing you, Bella.**

**See you then.**

And then I start crying. Just bawling over the boiling water with my shoulders shaking while nearly hyperventilating.

How am I supposed to do this? I can't have sex with someone else! I just can't! It's wrong! No matter what Jake wants, or what he does, I just can't!

Edward's a nice guy, but truthfully, I've barely had any kind of meaningful conversation with him. It's always been surface stuff and now, suddenly, I'm supposed to expose myself to him?

What the fuck!

I can't eat. I shut off the water.

I sit and stare at the TV that isn't on.

And then, to further torture myself, I find my wedding DVD and put it on. I gush like a fountain, watching Jake and I at our reception – our faces were so happy. Lit up. He's always been my safe place…now he's not. At all. Maybe he's truly never been? He's betrayed my heart. Broken me in two.

And he expects normal after this?

It's too much. I can't watch another moment. I rip the DVD from the machine and hurl it across the room.

I head to bed. I wouldn't sleep here if I had somewhere else to go to but I don't.

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**A/N:**

**Tomorrow is Thanksgiving for me and my fellow Americans friends, but there will still be an update. Much longer updates on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! (FFN is still not letting me reply - I'm so sorry! But I read every single review and agree with so many of you, laugh over some and feel your anger, but they all make me smile big time!)**

**Thanks again to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 - simply the best!**


	14. Chapter 14: Thursday

**Chapter 14: Thursday**

I don't pass Jake in the morning. It's probably better that way. I don't want to think about any of it anymore. I'm sick of it. In fact, I want the weekend to come and go and then bury it. Six feet under. Dead.

I want to return to 'us'. To me and Jake - my Jake. Just us two. I'm going to insist on it on Sunday night. He'll have used his free pass and it'll be over. Done. He'll get whatever this is out of his system, and we'll never see the Cullens again. I'll make sure of that.

We can go back. Rekindle our fire. Yes. We have to. After ten years of marriage, we'll figure out how to make it work. We will.

For better or worse.

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**A/N:**

**Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you all had a lovely day eating gobs of bad-for-you food! And if you didn't celebrate it, I hope you had a great day anyway. :)**

**As always, and especially today, thank you for your time reading this and reviewing! I am so grateful for your support! I know this is a short one, but tomorrow's update is 4000+ words.**

**Big hugs and many thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for their help on this. :)**


	15. Chapter 15: Friday

_It's a little early for the update, but I'm seeing BD again tonight with sisters and nieces, and I'd be crunched for time. Plus, kids are outside atm. LOL_

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**Chapter 15: Friday**

I've barely seen Jake, but that's mostly been on purpose. He's worked late, and I've been to the mall - just walking around, distracting myself, waiting for bedtime to get close enough.

Of course, while I was at the mall, I bought a few things. Since I have to spend the weekend with Edward, I bought some new pajamas – flannel - and they cover everything. I'm hoping he'll be okay with me just taking off one leg so he can do me quick, and I can check off the box to say I did my part.

I also bought a new top and jeans. All the jeans I have are old and grungy. I mean I don't want to be a complete skank with Edward. I do have some standards.

Unlike Jake, who before he left for his weekend sexcapade, kissed me on the cheek and thanked me. Actually said, "Thank you."

Which has left me sitting on the couch in a catatonic state mostly. And I'm still here, sitting next to my packed bag and listening to the kitchen clock tick. God, I hate that clock.

5:58 pm…

I stand and take one last look in the mirror. My eyes are still puffy. I've refused to cry in the last twenty-four hours, but it doesn't seem to matter to my eyes. I've attempted to cover it up with make-up, but, well, I'm not that handy in the make-up department. Oh whatever. What does it matter?

The doorbell rings. My heart just about stops dead. Oh God.

I walk the green mile to the door to answer it. And there's Edward. Clean-cut. Hair a bit damp. Simple button down shirt and jeans. He looks relaxed. Ready. Oh God. He's 'ready'.

My body stiffens. Like a flight or fight thing.

Edward smiles. "Hi Bella. You ready?"

NO! "Yes." I pick up my bag.

"Here, let me get that for you." He takes it from me.

"Thanks," I mumble.

I lock the front door behind me and we walk to the car… and to my heart's death.

Edward quickly scoots ahead of me and opens the passenger's door.

"Thanks," I manage to mumble again.

I buckle myself in and sit with my hands folded in my lap. I'm so nervous and horrified that I'm allowing this.

Edward gets in and starts the car, but before we pull out, he turns to me. "Bella? I want you to know one thing, okay?"

"Okay." I brace myself. God help me, he wants anal.

"Look, I don't expect anything from you this weekend. At all. Okay? There is no pressure here."

I furrow my brow. "What? I thought that's what you wanted – what all three of you wanted."

He grins. "I'm not interested in forcing anyone to do anything, understand?"

I'm still massively confused. "Um…okay."

"I promise – there is no expectation on my part."

I nod. Breathe slightly, because he seems sincere. "Okay."

"Okay," he says smiling. He pulls out onto the road. "So I planned a fun kind of weekend. Or at least I hope you think it's fun."

He planned a fun weekend? "All right."

He glances at my wringing hands and stiff posture. "So we can both just relax, okay? Really."

I nod and stare ahead. We drive for several minutes in silence.

"Would you like to listen to some music?" He turns on the radio. "Find something you like," he says, grinning again.

He's definitely trying to make me comfortable. I flip around the stations, settling on some old-school Police.

He grins at me as I lean back again.

Thankfully, the music carries us through the remaining silence. A while later we're off the beaten path.

"Where are we headed?"

"Um, I have this little cabin that I had built a few years ago. I remember you once saying how much you loved camping and outdoors stuff, so I thought it was a perfect place."

I'm shocked. "I don't remember that conversation."

He smiles. "The four of us were at dinner and we started talking about camping and Leah was saying how she hated it because of the bugs and then Jake chimed in about not liking the cold…and then you quietly added in that you enjoyed fishing and camping… I don't know. Most girls don't like the outdoors, so I guess that's why it stuck." He shrugs, pulls down a gravelly driveway.

Well, then.

I turn from him and, even though the sun has set, I can tell that tall pines surround us. We weave in and out. I'm just waiting for us to crash because it seems that would be my luck as of late.

"Here we are," Edward says as the headlights hit a log cabin.

"A log cabin?"

Edward chuckles. "It's rustic, but it's nice. Give it a shot," he teases, parking the car.

I grin.

Edward whips his head toward me. "Oh my God."

"What?" I say, panicked and looking around for a bear or a wolf or—

"You. You…almost smiled."

I can't help but smile wider and roll my eyes. "Shut up."

He laughs and gets out of the car. I open my door, but he's there in a second to help me. "Let me get the bags, okay?"

I nod. Look around. Smells amazing. That pine smell they try to bottle into cleaning products doesn't smell anything like the real thing. The real deal is fresh, vibrant and it makes you want to keep sniffing like an idiot, which is what I do.

"Smells good, huh?" Edward says.

"It does. So good." A chill of fall air rushes up the sleeves of my jacket.

"Let's get inside. It's chilly."

I follow Edward into the cabin. He places our bags just inside the door as he flips on a switch, which turns on several table lamps in the spacious living room.

And wow – the place is gloriously modern, yet rustic just as he said. The butterscotch stained wall planks, the wood floor covered over with fluffy area rugs, and the massive stone fireplace are the coziest things I've ever seen. Until I take a look at the furniture…a thick, deep brown leather sofa and matching chair with plaid throw blankets draped over the backs are screaming: Snuggle here! Read here! Sip hot cocoa here!

Edward continues turning on lights around the house – in the open kitchen and in the back rooms, whatever's back there. He eventually comes back into the living room and heads to the fireplace.

"You okay there?" he asks, since I haven't moved an inch.

I nod. "This is beautiful. So much bigger than it looks from the outside. You guys come here a lot?"

"Who? Me and Leah?"

"Yeah."

"Ha! No, I had to beg her to help me decorate the place – that's how much she hates even the thought of coming here."

"So what do you do with it?"

"I rent it out here and there, but lots of times I come fishing for the weekend myself. Was considering selling it. That's why I wanted you to bring your camera. Thought maybe you could take some photos of it."

"Oh…okay." I'm relieved, but somehow the thought of him selling it depresses me.

Edward carefully stacks newspaper and wood into the fireplace opening and lights the fire, careful to blow on the initial sparks. It isn't long before the paper catches, then the wood. Edward stands, admiring his fire while I watch the orangey heat glow across his face. God, he's handsome. So very handsome.

He's made me feel so at ease in the matter of what? An hour? There's no pressure. And he meant it. I've been living in a pressure cooker for two weeks and, suddenly, it's released.

He rubs his hands together against the heat. Turns to me. "Hungry?"

And shockingly, I am. "Yeah, actually. Really hungry."

He smiles wide. "Good. Now, I know you like chicken…since you order it every time we're out." He grins. "But I have steak too – in case you're feeling adventurous. I made some kabobs to grill."

And then I lose control over my jaw. He notices what I order?

"What?" he says, catching my expression.

"Nothing. Can I help?"

Edward steps a few feet over to the open kitchen. It's modern and gourmet to say the least, complete with stainless steel appliances and granite counters. "Sure. Why don't you pick out a movie for us to watch?" He opens the fridge and begins gathering things, placing them on the counter. "The cabinet below the flat screen has a bunch to pick from. I think _Never __Been __Kissed_ is in there."

"That's my favorite movie."

He straightens up and smiles at me. "I know." Then he gets back to taking stuff out of the refrigerator. I'm unable to move. Did Jake give him a cheat sheet?

My feet take me over to the kitchen. "Are you sure I can't help you cook?"

"No, that's okay. You can come outside with me while I grill if you want."

"Yeah, okay."

"Actually, why don't you bring out a couple of glasses and the wine I have in the fridge? We can have a drink while everything cooks."

"Okay." He heads out the sliding doors to what I assume is a deck. I find the glasses and wine easily enough and head out too.

It's dark and there's that crisp chill in the air telling you flat-out that winter is coming so you'd better get ready. It makes me tug my jacket closed. But boy, it's gorgeous. The only light is from the grill's flames, and the sky above the tall pines is littered with stars.

Edward hands me a glass of wine. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Edward says, noticing that I'm staring up.

"It really is. I haven't been outside like this in years. I almost forgot how amazing simple things like stars are."

"It's the simple things in life."

"It's so quiet too. Just the grill sizzling…it's so relaxing."

"We all need to relax now and again," Edward says, turning over the kabobs.

I'm watching him cook for us, especially how the fire highlights his well-sculpted cheekbones and jaw – even the slight scruff gets its own shadow. How can Leah let him be here with me?

"Everything okay?" he asks and it dawns on me that I'm staring at him.

I clear my throat. "Yeah, yeah." I drink and look around again.

"So are you up for some fishing tomorrow? I checked the forecast and it's supposed to be nice. A little cool, but sunny."

"Fishing? Really?"

He nods.

"Yeah, I'm totally up for it. That'll be really cool."

He laughs as he turns over the kabobs. "All that worrying for nothing."

"How did you know I was worried?"

He shrugs. "The look on your face last Saturday said everything, Bella."

Oh God. I must have offended him. I begin to apologize when he waves me off.

"It's okay. I know that this wasn't your idea." He smiles gently. "But we're just here to relax, remember?"

I nod and drink, not knowing what to say that wouldn't make it worse. Edward continues to cook the kabobs, the sizzling eating up the silence.

I stare out wondering… "Are there lots of animals out there?"

"Well, there's deer and the usual forest animals. Actually, they'll probably help you get up in the morning like they do all the beautiful princesses." He snorts.

I blush and giggle. "Right. I'll be sure to wake the forest with my gift of song... So, are there side dishes you want me to start?"

"Crap. Yes, I forgot."

"No worries. Show me and I'll do it."

"Thanks."

I follow Edward back into the warm kitchen. He shows me where things are and heads back outside to finish up the kabobs.

I start on some quick-cooking rice and a few moments later he's back inside, setting the table. I watch him lay out the plates and silverware. He whistles while he does it too. It's rather charming, and I can't help but let out a little laugh.

"What?" he asks, stopping.

I shake my head. "You're whistling while you set the table-"

"Oh, sorry. Leah hates when I do that."

I'm taken aback. "Actually, I think it's kind of nice. My dad whistles like that too."

Shockingly, Edward blushes. "Oh, okay." He finishes setting the table, quietly this time. "I'll be back inside in just a sec."

I nod.

A minute later Edward walks in with the platter of kabobs, placing them on the counter next to me.

"Those smell so good." I'm salivating.

"I used this marinade that I love. Here try it." He pops a piece of lightly-charred red pepper off the skewer and blows on it for a few moments. "Open up."

I do and he gently places it in my mouth, watching me chew.

"Wow, this is so good."

"Thanks," he says proudly.

The rice cooks fast enough and dinner is ready.

"Please, sit," Edward says holding out my chair for me.

How chivalrous. I grin and sit.

"It's nice to not be scolded when I'm trying to be considerate," he says sort of to himself as he helps to push me in.

He takes a seat across from me. "Scolded? Why would you get scolded?"

He shrugs. "Leah likes to do things for herself."

"Oh." What can I say? I've always loved when I was treated sweetly and respectfully…but those gestures stopped so long ago, didn't they?

Edward doles out the food then holds up his wine glass. "To a fun, relaxing weekend."

I clink his glass with mine. I dig into my plate and, wow, it's fantastic. The meat is melt-in-your-mouth tender and juicy, and the veggies are just slightly crisp. The wine brings out all the amazing flavors of the food, and I can't remember the last time I enjoyed every single bite of my dinner.

"You're so quiet," Edward finally says.

I shake my head and finish chewing. "Sorry. This is just so good. I'm savoring."

"You're just being nice. It's not that good."

"No, really. It's amazing. I don't know, maybe it's the fresh air, but it just tastes fantastic."

He sits back and sips his wine, watching me. "Well, thank you."

"You're welcome. Don't mind my shoveling."

He chuckles. "I won't. It's nice that you want to shovel."

"Well, why wouldn't I? It tastes great and I barely lifted a finger."

"Doesn't Jake cook for you now and again?"

"Ha! No."

"No?"

"Okay, well, he did recently but that was because…" It hits me again. The feelings. The worthlessness. The whys. Like running dead-on into a steel pole.

Edward covers my hand with his. "It's all right, Bella."

I breathe. I don't want to cry. Not now. Not here. I was having a lovely time…I breathe more, trying to steady myself, and I do. Especially with the help of Edward's thumb stroking the top of my hand.

As soon as I've regained control, I pull my hand from Edward's and continue eating. He does too.

"Do you come up here much in the winter?" I ask.

Edward finishes chewing. "I do, actually. Mostly to check on the house – make sure no pipes have burst, that kind of thing. And it's breathtaking. Right after a snowfall – everything dusted in white. It's amazing…but I don't know…" He shuffles the rice around his plate, taking a thoughtless bite.

"What don't you know?"

"Well, it's weird. Most of the time I'm fine up here by myself, you know, when I come up to fish, but in the winter…something about it is…lonely. It's the only way I can think of describing it."

"Lonely?"

"Yeah, like it's too quiet and lifeless. I don't know, Leah thinks it's weird that I think that."

And there it is again. That string of sadness laced through his talk. I'm curious about it, but don't push. He isn't pushing me, so… "Well, the winter is like that, I think. So cold, and time seems to have stopped."

"Yes, that's it exactly…so when I'm here I try to remember that life is just hiding for a time…and that spring always comes." He gazes at me, holding me captive for a moment, till I feel my face flame. I force myself to turn away. Look down. Eat.

Quickly enough our usual banter of small talk continues through dinner.

When we're done, we sit at the table for a few minutes, finishing our wine. I begin clearing the plates.

He puts a hand to my wrist. "It's okay. I'll get them."

"I don't mind, Edward. It's the least I can do."

He shakes his head and downs his wine. "I'm helping."

We both start clearing, and I end up rinsing dishes and loading the dishwasher while he finishes gathering and scraping the dirty dishes. It takes no time at all when two people share the work together.

Two people.

Together.

What are _they _doing right now? I check the clock on the wall. It's a little after nine. Are they having sex yet? Is my husband's warm, smooth body, the one that only I have ever touched, moving fluidly with hers? Is he saying 'yeah, yeah' with that grunty tone I know so well? Is he asking her to do things that I don't? I guess that's the point, isn't it? I don't do enough. I'm not 'enough.'

"Bella? You okay?" Edward's hand is on my forearm.

I look up at him, momentarily confused as to where I am, whom I'm with. "What?" I remember. "No, um…I'm okay." I turn away, reaching for the towel on the counter and wipe my hands over and over and over.

Edward's watching me. I can feel it. I can feel a question on his lips. I breathe. I don't want him to ask it. I'll burst if he does. I turn to him. "So, what do you want to watch tonight?"

He steps back. Furrows his brow. Waits. Tries to read my thoughts it seems. "Um…want to see what I have?"

"Sure." With a fortress of false confidence supporting my crumbling insides, I follow him to the DVD cabinet.

He squats down. "Well, aside from _Never __Been __Kissed_, we have… _Moulin __Rouge_ and _Jaws_-"

"No horror. I'll never sleep."

He glances at me, grinning. "Fair enough. How about _A __Long __Kiss __Goodnight_?"

"Who's in that?"

"Geena Davis? It's the one where she's got amnesia and figures out she was a spy…great summary, huh?" He laughs. "But it's a good movie. Lots of action. I know you like action movies."

I grin. "I do."

Edward glances at the collection again. "I also have _Raiders __of __the __Lost __Ark_ –"

"You sold me on Raiders. Harrison Ford is always a winner."

"True. Do you like Star Wars?" he asks, popping the movie in.

"Only the originals. The newer ones are…meh."

"Jar Jar…ugh."

Edward fiddles with the remote while I take a seat on the nearby sofa. I sink right in. "Whoa. This is some serious leather, Edward."

"Huh?" He turns to me, ready to laugh.

"It's so comfortable! Oh my God, I'm never leaving this sofa." He watches me wiggle in and get cozy against the right arm.

But as he turns away clicking the remote, I could swear he says something …but I don't quite catch it. A moment later, he turns to me again. "Popcorn?"

"Yeah?" I'm grinning.

"Movies and popcorn are made for each other, don't you think?" And there's that gleam in his eye again. The one that holds me tight, steady, suspended in time.

I blink. "Yeah, all right."

He smiles as the previews start to play. I spy on him getting out a pan, oil, and kernels over in the kitchen. "Are you making homemade popcorn?"

"I am," he says, clicking on the gas stove. A few minutes later, a bowl of steaming popcorn is placed between us on the sofa. "Take your shoes off. You can put your feet up here. It's all about comfort."

I nod and flick off my shoes.

We hunker down, watching the movie at opposite ends, munching on popcorn. I watch the movie relaxed, but aware enough not to let my hand dip into the bowl at the same time as his.

The movie ends and not only am I stuffed, but exhausted. I yawn.

"Tired?" He chuckles.

"Yeah. Haven't slept much this week, so it must be catching up with me."

He grins. "Let me show you to the bedroom." He stands and I freeze. Bedroom? As in one? As in I have to sleep next to him? Oh no. I don't think I can—

"Come on." He holds his hand out. "I don't bite…plus there's more than one bedroom here." He smiles wide.

I breathe out. "Right. Right." I grab hold of his hand and it's warm, strong, makes my heart jumpy. I take my hand back the moment I'm upright.

"This way."

I follow him to the bedroom area. There are two bedrooms opposite one another, each with their own bathroom he tells me. How fancy and convenient.

"Hope this is okay," he says, flicking on the light as we enter 'my' bedroom.

"Whoa." It's spacious and the wood theme continues, but so does the cozy part with a large, fluffy bed stacked with pillows. There's an extra blanket at the foot of the bed too. Another squishy chair in the corner. Nightstands and matching lamps frame the bed. The cream and moss-colored patchwork quilt is homey and warm. There's a large window that reflects us against the darkness of nighttime outside. Edward steps over to the window and closes the wooden shades.

"The bathroom is here." He flicks on the light in there. I peek in. It's legitimately gorgeous. It's contemporary, but relaxed, with baskets stuffed neatly with towels and candles scattered around, just begging to be lit. There's a large tub that two could probably fit in. A shower too that's got…oh my God, three sprays.

"Wow. Edward. This place is beautiful. I could probably spend a day in this bathroom alone!" I giggle.

"You can if you want to." He grins once again.

He steps back into the bedroom. I follow. "Well, I'll let you get some sleep."

For a fleeting moment I want to ask him not to go, but I nod instead.

"Good night, Bella."

"'Night, Edward. See you for fishing tomorrow."

He smiles wide. "Yes, you will." He closes the door and leaves me. I plop on the bed to find it even more comfortable than it looks. It isn't long before I'm snuggled in my frumpy flannel pjs and under the luscious covers… and fast asleep.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**A/N:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! ISTG I so adore reading each review, you have no idea. Some of you make me laugh so hard and others make me really think, etc. Just wonderful, so thank you. Saturday's update is 5000+ words. j/s**

**Thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for all their help!**

**Hope to see you tomorrow!**


	16. Chapter 16: Saturday

**Chapter 16: Saturday**

Knock. Knock.

"Bella?"

I wake, not sure where I am for just a moment then realize. "Yeah?" I say, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

I can tell it's still dark outside, so I'm not sure why Edward is waking me in the middle of the night.

The door cracks open; light from the hallway streams in. "Good morning. Ready to fish? It's still early, but it's the best time of day for it."

Suddenly my nose is flooded with the scent of bacon and pancakes. I sniff. Edward's silhouette steps closer. "I've made breakfast – that's what you're smelling." I hear him chuckle.

"It's morning already?"

"It is. Stays dark longer these days."

"Right…always takes me some time getting used to it."

"Me too…so food's just about all set and ready when you are."

I nod. "Okay, I"ll just get dressed."

He shuts the door behind himself. I quickly shower and dress. I come out to a gorgeous breakfast of fresh fruit, pancakes and that bacon that smells heavenly. Table is all set and Edward is pouring some orange juice.

"Wow, Edward, this is quite a spread," I say as he looks up at me. "I might never leave," I joke.

He grins. "That'd be okay by me if you wanted."

I'm not sure how to take that. He drops what seems to be a big thing, but is still so casually pouring the juice. I figure he's just being silly.

"Can I help?"

"Nope, it's all set. Have a seat," he says, holding out a chair for me again.

I smile at him and sit. He plates my food, and I dig in when he does. Of course everything tastes amazing. The pancakes are fluffy and the bacon is perfectly browned. The syrup adds just the right touch of sweet to balance the salty.

"Jake's never going to let me go away with you again," I tease.

Edward's face drops. "What? Why?" He seems slightly panicked.

I shake my head, confused that he's suddenly so serious. "Because you're being so sweet and you've got all my favorite things and, um…it's just so…lovely." I'm not sure how to respond. I somehow feel like I've offended him. "I'm sorry."

"No, no. I just thought that…never mind." He pours some syrup on his pancakes.

"What did you think?" I press, because if I've offended him I want to apologize.

He breathes. "I thought maybe you weren't enjoying yourself. That I did something…wrong."

"Hardly. I've never felt so …cared for, to be honest."

With a slight sigh of relief he cuts into his pancakes. Meanwhile, my heart is jumping. Not sure why. Must be all the sugar in the syrup.

Once breakfast is finished and the dishes are cleared, we get ready for the great outdoors.

"Looks like the sun's really starting to shine out there," Edward says peering out a living room window while sliding on his jacket. "But I'd still wear your hat and gloves. It's chilly out."

Edward grabs his tackle box and two fishing poles then opens the door. "After you."

I grin and head out, getting smacked square in the face with a burst of very frigid air. "Wow, it's cold."

"Oh yeah. Nothing like a little cold air to get you started in the morning." He laughs. "This way." I follow behind Edward, stepping on the soft ground carpeted by pine needles. It smells just as amazing as it did last night when we arrived. I'm sniffing away.

"Still smells good?" Edward asks chuckling.

"I think I have a pine addiction."

He laughs harder.

Not too far off I see the shimmering lake, almost too bright with the sun hitting its surface. I have to squint, but I just can't look away. The view is gorgeous.

"We're here," Edward states, as we walk out onto a creaky, wooden pier.

"Wow. This place is…phenomenal."

"It is."

"You can't sell it. You just can't."

He smiles ruefully. "Let's get things set up."

In no time, our lines are baited and cast out into the water. We sit on the edge of the dock next to one another, waiting.

"If I owned this place, I'd be up here every weekend," I say looking out over the sparkling water and the backdrop of tall trees.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, the views are spectacular, and your log cabin is amazingly fancy."

"Fancy?" He laughs. "Yes, I'm all about being fancy." He pauses, looking out. "Actually, I'm just into things that make me happy and comfortable. This is it really."

I nod. "I can see that. You're different here than you are back home."

"I am? How so?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I guess you seem more comfortable somehow, more at ease, like all of this makes so much more sense to you than suburban living does."

He grins. "I'd say you hit the nail on the head there. I am more comfortable. It's easy being here."

"Just not in the winter, right?" I tease, looking out over the water.

"Actually, I'm beginning to think the company has something to do with it."

I sense he's looking at me and I'm afraid to meet his gaze. My head heats up and I wonder if steam is rising off the top of it. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I've always enjoyed being out here alone, but when I woke up this morning I was excited to have someone to cook breakfast for and to go fishing with…and before you say it, it's not the same when you come up here with another guy to fish and whatnot."

I chance a peek at him and he's looking out over the water.

"With you…I don't know. You make me comfortable. Always have."

"I have? We've barely talked."

He shakes his head. "That's not true. Yes, it's been the four of us out to dinner, but you've talked too, just to all of us, and I've listened to every word you've said. It's how I knew you liked _Never __Been __Kissed_ and action movies. How I knew you loved camping and eating pancakes and bacon on cold mornings. It's how I knew how much you love photography and that you hope to take pictures on the top of Mount Everest or in Hawaii someday, and how you don't care so much about money but care a ton for puppies and kittens and want to do more with your life than add digits."

He pauses, meeting my slack-jawed face. "You've always been so honest and surprising and real and I really…like that. About you. A lot."

I swallow, surprised I'm still sitting and haven't passed out face-first into the still lake below. "Oh."

"All I'm saying is that I find you very interesting, and I'm happy you're fishing next to me." He smiles sweetly, in a very safe way.

I nod. "It's nice being here."

Silence takes over, but it's a comfortable silence, not one I'm desperately trying to fill. I've never realized just how easy going Edward is. He's always been more in the background during dinners…much like me. But then I guess I've talked more than I thought I did, especially if I mentioned all those things he listed.

"So why did you and Jake move from the West to the East Coast? New job? Change of scenery?"

"Well, ever since I've known Jake, he always wanted to live in New England. He's obsessed with this area for some reason." I chuckle. "So, it was something I figured we'd do at some point. I just didn't know he applied for jobs here until he already accepted one."

Edward's eyes widen. "Shit. He didn't talk to you about it first?"

"Nope. He said he wanted it to be a surprise, and boy, was it a surprise."

"That's kind of a big thing to throw at someone, no?"

"To say the least. I was between jobs at the time, so I was sort of at the mercy of his work; plus he gave me every reason in the book that it was a great idea. Even looked up art schools for me out here - so I could pursue photography. Sounded promising."

Edward furrows his brow. "I didn't know you went to photography school."

"That's because I didn't. We ended up buying our house instead. Jake fell in love with the mission-style of it and had to have it…but it didn't leave any room in our budget for me to take frivolous art classes, you know?"

Edward nods, watching his line bob in the water for a few moments. "What about kids? It's a big house…think you'll fill it up anytime soon?"

I breathe. "We've talked about it, but Jake is concerned with how big of a responsibility it is, how much freedom we'd lose, how expensive they are, and I get that side of it, but…no matter how scary it is, I still want them. I'd really like to be a mom someday."

"I bet you'd be a great mom."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah. You're patient and sweet…not to mention beautiful and smart."

I'm blushing. "Thank you. How about you? You guys plan to have kids soon?"

"No. Leah has no interest. Told me that at the get-go, so I haven't thought much about it." He shrugs.

I nod. We fish silently for a bit.

"You grew up around here, right?" I ask.

"I did, yeah. Always loved the change in seasons. Not sure I could live somewhere that was perpetually summer or winter."

"Is your family still around here? You've never said much about them come to think of it."

"It's probably because both my parents passed away when I was young."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

He nods. "They were flying back from a conference when I was in high school. Plane went down. No survivors. It was a shitty time, that's for sure. Emmett, that's my brother, he's a year older than me; we lived with our aunt and uncle till we turned eighteen - then it was 'look out world'." He says, sighing.

"I can't imagine what that was like for you. You were so young."

He nods. "I often wonder what life would have been like had they lived. Would I be the same person? Be doing the same things?" He looks off, lost in thought. It's silent again, until he says, "I wonder if they'd be proud of me, you know? Approve of how I've handled my life."

"I'm sure they would be. You're successful, you own a thriving business, you have a house and a wife and-"

"I don't know, Bella. There are parts of my life I seriously question."

"Like what?"

His face meets mine. "Do you really want to know?"

But I know already, and he's silently asking. Asking if he can say it, talk about it, but I'm not ready to. I don't want to turn this pretty morning ugly with red eyes and sobs and questions that will lead where exactly?

I turn away. Look out over the water.

We're quiet again and then my line is tugged. "Oh! A fish!" I pull back on the pole, warring with whatever's on the other end…and whatever it is, is winning. Stretching me forward...forward…forward… "Oh no!"

"Bella!" Edward yells, grabbing my arm and holding me on the edge of the pier. "Don't fall!"

I start giggling because I am about to lose this battle. Edward starts laughing too.

Then – YANK!

And splash! We both fall into the lake not so far below. I plop under the water and jolt out of it fast as lightning.

"Holy shit!" I yell as I rise to the surface.

Edward's head is kicked back, laughing. "It's fucking freezing!"

We both reach for the pier. Edward grabs hold and pushes himself up onto it. He turns quickly and reaches for my outstretched hand. With what seems to be no effort on his part, he lifts me onto the pier.

"You okay?" he asks.

I nod with teeth chattering.

"Cabin. Now."

We race for the cabin, but the fast going means the wind makes me that much colder.

We're inside in a matter of moments, shivering.

"Shower?" he asks.

"Yeah." And we head to our respective showers.

I stay in the hot spray for a long while, hoping I haven't lost any bits or pieces to the cold. When I head back out into the living room, Edward is at the stove in dry jeans and a flannel shirt, preparing some instant soup.

"I think we need something hot. What do you think?"

"Yeah. It's going to take all the heat in the world to get this chill out of me."

"Well, getting you hot is my job." And we both laugh. "You know what I mean, right?" he asks, slightly worried.

"I do, it's fine."

We're at the table sipping soup when he says, "Well, that was unexpected."

"No kidding. What the hell is in that water?"

"Nessie?"

I burst into laughter again.

We spend the rest of the morning and the afternoon chatting, watching TV and playing Scrabble on the cozy couch. It's the most relaxed Saturday I've had in a long time. And it doesn't hurt that I've won every round in Scrabble.

After scoring more than double what Edward has in the last round, he says, "You might be kicking my ass in Scrabble, but let's just see how you do on Whack-a-Mole."

"Whack-a-Mole? Are we hunting moles later?" I laugh.

"Yes, at the Mayfield Fair."

My eyes pop open. "That's this weekend?"

"It is."

"Oh my God! I have not been to that fair in…forever! Jake hates those things! Says they're a rip off, but really, how can anyone say no to cotton candy and Whack-a-Mole?"

Edward laughs. "So does that mean you're up for carnival food for dinner?"

"Yes!" A huge smile tears across my face. "God, I love carnival food! So when do we go?"

He laughs at me. "You want to go now, don't you?"

I nod and bite my lip.

"Let's go then."

"Yay! Let me just get changed." I run off to my bedroom, change out of my sweatpants and into jeans and a thick sweater and am ready before him.

He comes out into the living room, zipping his jacket. "You're fast when cotton candy is calling, huh?"

"That I am!"

We hop into the car, and surprisingly we're only twenty minutes or so away. I can see the blinking rainbow-colored lights in the dark distance lighting up the sky. I can even hear the faint screams from passengers on the rides. My knee begins bouncing.

"Excited?" He laughs.

"Slightly."

"I knew you liked carnivals, but wow, you really like carnivals."

"It's just that I haven't been to one in so long. There are animals, and of course the food and the games and rides. It's just silly fun and…I don't get to do that often."

"You do tonight," Edward says in this oddly serious way, his face lit up by the dash. Handsome. Far too handsome.

I smile. Right at him this time. And I feel a shift of some kind. It scares me, so I turn away, focusing on the lights that are nearing.

Edward parks in a large, dirt parking lot. I'm out of the car in a second, and I guess I'm walking fast, because I hear Edward from behind me say, "Wait up!"

I stop. Wait. Grab his hand. He freezes but holds tight. I smile again. He smiles wide in return. "I don't want to lose you," I say without thinking, getting that weird, nervous twist in my belly. I carry on though, marching through parked cars while holding on to Edward's warm, strong hand.

We get to the entrance. "Where to first?" I ask.

"Do you want cotton candy now or later?" he asks smiling.

"Later, please. Maybe before we leave?"

"Absolutely. So how about we check out the animals?"

"Okay." With hands in our own pockets, we follow our noses to the farm tents where sheep and cows and horses are corralled. We watch a sheep get sheared, a horse get his shoes and a cow get milked, and Edward is brave enough to drink some. He makes this awful face that not only makes us both laugh, but changes my mind about trying it.

"Okay, that was vile," he says as we leave the stinky tent and head back into the main area.

We hit the balloon popping game first. We win nothing. We move on to the basketball game, which is a complete scam, but it's fun watching him try. We play the water gun race, in which I win a small frog that I give to him. I poke fun of his inability to win anything. Finally, he tries the knock-the-blocks-off-the-stand game, and after five tries and probably forty dollars, he wins a little panda and hands it to me, throwing his arms in the air victoriously. He reminds me that he isn't lame. We eat fried dough then he leads me to the Ferris Wheel.

We board it and lock the metal bar across our laps. We slowly ascend as people board after us, and I look out, noticing how isolated I feel amongst all the loud games and cheers and laughter from the crowd below. We're in our own bubble of sorts and it feels…good. Really good.

"It's beautiful up here, isn't it?" I ask, taking in the flashing lights against the dark sky.

"It really is. Leah hates heights, so my Ferris Wheel experience is limited."

"Mine too. I hardly ever go on rides…and it's so much fun. Actually, I've had such a good time this whole weekend, Edward. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself; I wasn't sure you would." He chuckles.

I chuckle too. "I wasn't either."

"Didn't think I'd be nice to you?" He grins.

I smile. "That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

I shrug. "I…wasn't sure what you expected from me."

"I'd never do anything you didn't want me to."

"So, what does that mean exactly? Are you saying that if I wanted to have sex with you, you would?"

He breathes. Shifts in his seat. Looking away from me, he answers, "Yes."

"Is that because you'd feel obligated - because of our… arrangement?"

He still avoids my face. "No."

"No?"

He turns to me. Faces me completely. Stares hard into my eyes. I want to look away, but I can't. His eyes hold me captive again. "I want you and have wanted you for a long time. But I'd never push you, ever."

My face heats up fast. I blink. I open my mouth to speak when he puts a warm finger to my cold lips. "Shh." He looks away, not saying anything and I'm confused. Why is he telling me to-

"Things have become very apparent to me this past year." He stops, watches me. "I've realized things about myself…and you."

I swallow.

"I'm not where I'm meant to be, Bella. I'm only going through the paces-"

"Maybe it's a mid-life crisis," I offer because I'm scared of where this conversation is headed.

"I thought that too, but no, it's not. I'd been feeling this longing, this thing inside me telling me I was going the wrong way. I didn't understand it. I thought maybe I needed to exercise, so I did. It didn't help. I tried eating better, but that didn't help either. I simply couldn't shake the feeling that I was drowning in my own life. And what bothered me the most was that I knew from the outside I seemed to have everything…but I don't live on the outside, do I?"

I shake my head, my eyes still glued to his.

"So I was confused and frustrated… and then we met for the first time when we all went for pizza – do you remember?"

I nod. My chest is tight. Pounding. I'm gripping the metal bar on my lap so hard I'm digging into my own skin.

"You…" He turns away then back in a second. He swallows. "You caught my attention in a way that nothing else ever had. Nothing. You were like a beacon. A warm, soft beacon that I wanted to follow all the way to…I don't know where, I just wanted to be near it, be a part of it.

"I felt so guilty though. Here we both were, married and double dating and it was wrong. I knew it was wrong to have these…feelings for you – a taken woman. And I tried, Bella. For months I tried to get you out of my head. But I couldn't.

"That's when I began watching your relationship with Jake – observing it, wanting to know why you loved him. And you do by the way, you love him, but…"

He stops.

I'm wide-eyed and overwhelmed. "But what?" I whisper.

His hand reaches up so slowly, so very carefully to stroke my cheek. I gasp.

"I'm sorry," he says, pulling away and looking down.

"No," I say, reaching for his hand to hold. "Please…continue."

He lets out a breath. "I saw him – Jake – the way he was with Leah: flirty, chatty, full of smiles … and I noticed that he'd never paid you that same kind of attention. What killed me is that I could see that you wanted it. You wanted him to give you half of what he'd been doling out to her."

Tears well.

"So, with how I'd been feeling, and with what I noticed with Jake and Leah, that day he came over, the situation presented itself and when I threw the suggestion out there it confirmed it all for me – that he was more interested in himself than in you."

The tears fall, straight down my cheeks. I nod.

"So this weekend wasn't so much about sex for me as it was to show you that you are an incredible and beautiful woman who deserves every ounce of attention from a man who loves you."

I gasp good and loud. "You love me?"

"Yes." He says wincing, waiting for me to strike back. Shut him down.

My mouth hangs open. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." He turns away as the ride slows and people in the buckets are starting to be let off. There's only another minute until it's our turn…

Before I can think it through, I'm reaching for his handsome face, turning him my way. I just do it. I press my lips to his, so soft and sweet. It's only a moment's worth, but it leaves me breathless nonetheless.

I pull back just as the ride stops for us. I step out first. He follows behind me. We're clear of the ride when he snatches my hand and turns me around to face him.

"Cotton candy?" he asks with this wide-eyed look of wonder, or maybe not. My brain is confused and spinning. I just kissed another man…

"Sure."

I follow his lead. He buys me a bag of fluffy pink heaven.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

He furrows his brow slightly. "Okay."

We walk silently and side-by-side to the car. I haven't touched the cotton candy.

He opens the car door for me. I sit. He gets in. Starts the car. I notice how muted the fair's noises are now. I glance over my shoulder and spot the Ferris Wheel lit up and turning in the sky.

"You okay?" Edward asks.

I nod.

The twenty-minute drive is silent. We get to the cabin. Go through the front door. Edward turns on the lights in the living room with the one switch.

He faces me. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head a little. "What? Why?"

"Because I freaked you out. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to kiss me or anything. That was not my intention."

I shake my head more. "I'm just overwhelmed – and not in a bad way."

He nods, waiting.

"I had no idea this was all going on – inside you. I…never saw it. Never even a hint of it."

"That's good. It would have been awful if I made you uncomfortable all this time."

"You always seemed sort of reserved… like in the background."

He smiles. "It's hard to stand out when your wife and another woman's husband are fawning over one another."

"Didn't that bother you? Wait, doesn't this weekend bother you? I mean, your wife is with Jake right now."

Edward sighs. "Let's sit and talk, okay? Would you like some tea with your cotton candy?" He grins, making this confusion a little less frightening.

"That'd be nice, thank you." I grin in return.

"Go get the couch warm, okay?"

I nod. I curl up on the sofa, cover my lap with a soft, plaid blanket and watch Edward move about the kitchen, washing his hands, drying them, filling the kettle and clicking on the stove. He lifts his head, catching me staring, but I don't care.

After the tea is ready, he walks back over, placing the teacup on the coffee table and takes a seat right next to me. There'd be no room between us for a popcorn bowl now.

He's turned my way, I'm turned his and we're both waiting for the other to start.

"So…you seem perfectly fine with Leah being with Jake…why is that?"

Edward glances at his hands in his lap. "Leah and I are… were…" He sighs. "We got married under really weird circumstances, Bella."

I frown. "You did?"

"We did. See, Leah's dad once owned the business I now own. I started working there shortly after my parents' passing. He taught me everything, guided me – the whole nine yards. I was the son he never had, and he was my substitute dad, you know? So when he got sick and things looked bad, he said the one thing he wanted was to know that Leah would be taken care of, just like his business. I remember him patting me on the leg as I sat next to his bed." Edward looks at me.

"He never came out and said so, but he wanted me to marry her. I mean, Leah and I were casually dating at the time - it was no big thing, but her dad was dying and it ripped me up. I would have done anything for him…and I did. I proposed to her, and we had a small wedding at their house three days before he passed. It was a hard time for everyone, and I think it was good that she and I had each other.

"I'd say that overall things were fine at first, but now, after six years, we're wearing on each other. The distance has gotten wider, the silences longer and I've ignored it, reminding myself that I promised her dad I'd take care of her."

"Whoa."

He nods. "I know. I think both Leah and I have stayed together out of obligation to her dad's last wish. We just haven't discussed it."

I don't know how to respond. Again, I'm overwhelmed.

"She doesn't love me, Bella. She doesn't. And I don't love her – not the way a husband should love his wife, you know? We're more or less just good friends."

"I had no idea…about any of that. Why haven't you two talked about how you're feeling?" I ask, wanting to know, but also hoping for some insight into a male's head about this kind of thing.

"I don't know…habit? Comfort? Leah and I have known each other a long time and going through her dad's death was hard for both of us. It reminded me of what I'd lost. I guess I wanted to be there for her, to comfort her since I knew what she was going through. She's a great girl…but she's not the love of my life or anything."

We're silent for a few moments.

"It's only been this past year that I've become aware of all this, Bella. I think it's why I had that feeling I told you about earlier – the one where something felt off in my life. She and I were meant to be together for a time, but not anymore."

"Will you two divorce?"

He sighs. "Probably."

"That's sad."

"Why? When you know something isn't right, why stay?"

"What if it's only right now that it doesn't feel right? What if you give it another year and things change for the better? If you jump ship now-"

"Bella, it's not like I've stopped loving her. I've never loved her. Not like I should if I'm going to be with her for the rest of my life. Does that make sense?"

I nod.

"I'm only telling you this stuff because you asked, and I'm trying to be honest. I don't expect anything from you, okay? Not in any way. I don't expect you to run from Jake or anything. I know you love him."

I breathe. I do love Jake. I always have. This – all that Edward's said - hasn't changed that.

We're quiet as I'm trying to digest it all. "So why tell me all this then? Aside from trying to be honest, why say anything if you don't want things to be different?" I watch his eyes, hoping for clarity, for an answer.

He chuckles quietly, sadly. "Maybe, if we'd met each other first instead…it'd all be different…but we didn't, and I can't pretend that we both aren't still married. I know you take your vows seriously, Bella. Watching you cringe and run away both nights the four of us talked about switching made all of that clear…and I've had to accept the reality of things."

His hand rises, stops just a fraction from my face, waiting for me to stop him, to pull away. I don't. The backs of his fingers finally make contact with my cheek and sweep back slowly.

My heart hammers.

"I can still admire you from afar though," he says quietly, watching his hand disappear into my hair. He's pulling me forward just slightly. It's a hint. He wants another kiss.

So do I…but do I dare? Do I?

I'm so unsure of everything that I don't stop him with reason and fact, instead I say nothing, do nothing, except allow him to close the distance between us.

He watches my eyes. His lips part… as do mine.

"But I want to do more than admire you from afar," he whispers, tilting his head a fraction. His lips meet mine once again.

The first chaste kiss turns to two turns to three and to four…

The more I have, the more I seem to want. And I let him know this by flicking out my tongue to taste exactly what this Edward Cullen has to offer.

And boy, it's delicious.

Desire quickly eats the space between us. Soon enough, I'm fully pressed against him and we're full-on making out.

Hands roam, discovering the many inches of unfamiliar territory. It seems that underneath his shirt is a very strong man.

I'm hardly aware that I'm unbuttoning his shirt. One button, two, then all of them are undone and my hands flatten against his chest, gliding over the ripples of his muscles. God, he's warm; hard yet soft. He smells so good too.

More…more…

And then he's got my sweater up and over my head. It doesn't faze me in the slightest and I have no idea why. This goes against everything, but…so what?

His hands creep towards my breasts. Up my rib cage and, whoa, we have contact. I moan. It's been so long…I have needs…needs I didn't realize have to be met.

There are no words spoken as he's cupping a breast with one hand and locking me against his body with the other. Probably because our lips are too busy.

I slide his shirt down his shoulders and arms. He quickly yanks it the rest of the way, tossing it to the floor. He kisses me again and suddenly I'm up in his arms and he's carrying me … I know the drill. I know where this will lead.

I don't stop him though.

He knocks the bedroom door open with his foot and in a moment I'm on his bed, sinking into his soft down comforter.

He hovers over me, kissing me while I find his belt buckle. In a flash it's undone, and his jeans are unbuttoned and unzipped.

He pauses.

"More," I urge, pulling him to me. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to feel. Feel something other than inadequate and unattractive enough to hold onto a man. But more than that, I want _this_ man…this beautiful man who has showered me with gentle, quiet affection for a year.

No sooner are his pants off than he's at my waist, bidding goodbye to my pants…then to my bra, next to my panties and finally to his boxer briefs. Now, in the dark, in the warmth of this log cabin, it's just us - our bodies and minds unencumbered by everything.

Stroke and slide; twist and turn, we move fluidly together. There isn't a question about any of it. No awkwardness, no fear of being insufficient. It's a clean slate where everything just feels so good, so right, so perfect.

"Edward…" I murmur quieter than the rustling of the sheets and the creaking of the bed. This man has me in awe. How does he know me so well? Know what my body needs? Craves? Hell, even I didn't know it could feel like this.

His every slow, deliberate touch summons my sensuality from its hiding place.

The sliding of fingers here…

Flicks of the tongue there…

And thighs spread wide.

It's an invitation that Edward quickly accepts.

His hard body hovers over mine just a moment then slowly fills me up and opens my mind, shattering all I ever thought I knew about sex, about loving another's body…

So this is how it's done.

The pace quickens. Bodies tighten. Slick skin against even wetter flesh, our eyes lock. Hold…holding…

Until our bodies explode, one right after the other.

We breathe a few paces, but it doesn't end. No sooner do we stop than we start again.

Again.

Never have I had an 'again'.

But I do now, and the 'again' is just as delicious and sensuous and satisfying as the first time.

Finally, we lie spent and panting. He slides an arm under my neck and scoops me into his side. Wraps me up. Holds me tight. I begin to speak.

He stops me. "No. Don't talk. I just want to savor this moment. Okay?"

I nod and nestle in. He curls himself around me. I yawn.

With a light kiss to my head Edward whispers, "Sleep sweetly, Bella."

"You too, Edward."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**A/N:**

**Yeah, she didn't think she'd be doing that by the end of the day either. LOL **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing and alerting the story, me, etc. I love reading each review! Another update tomorrow (2000+ words).**

**Special thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312 for their help with the story.**


	17. Chapter 17: Sunday

_Sorry for the delay. Family stuff. Thanks for your patience._

**Chapter 17: Sunday**

I slowly wake, not fully aware of anything. I begin to stretch then realize I'm naked, and Edward is beside me, sleeping.

I wait for the guilt to consume me but… it doesn't. I'm not sure why, but oddly enough I feel exhilarated. I guess with as crazy of a ride as it's been, I shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore.

I slowly shift to face him. I take in his long lashes, his cheekbones models would eat food for. He's beautiful in so many ways… and I had him. All of him…and he had me.

"You watching me?" he says with a sudden eye popped open.

"Caught me." I smile.

He chuckles. "I did." He stretches then snatches me up, hugging me. "I thought maybe you'd escape my bed before morning…glad you didn't."

"Why would I do that?"

He shrugs. "Thought maybe you'd have second thoughts about last night."

I shake my head. "No, actually - the opposite."

His eyebrow tweaks up. "The opposite? As in, you want more?"

I nod slowly. "It's what I said last night, isn't it – more?"

His eyes fall to my lips. "Yeah." His breathing speeds up. So does mine. With a low voice he says, "Then, what are you waiting for? I'm here for the taking."

I sit up. Let the sheet fall away. "Me too."

He bolts up and attacks me. Like a hungry lion, his mouth is everywhere – lips, neck, breasts…breasts some more and traveling lower.

But I need a taste too. We turn and flip, both trying to get our fill of every spot. Every delicate spot because hands and fingers just aren't enough.

And I realize just how astonishing it is when you lie on top of someone facing the opposite direction…there is nothing but sheer pleasure to be had.

It's hot and needy and wanting. No matter how much I have I can't get enough of him. I taste him deep and hard, his tongue works me good and plenty, and, my God, I don't want this to end!

He suddenly stops. Tries to move me. "Bella, stop, I'm about-"

"No…just give it to me…all of it. Come on…do it…do it…"

"Oh God…" He stops while I go at him, deep.

"Mmm…." I moan in encouragement. Then his face is back in action, right at the heart of me, mimicking the pleasure I'm giving.

Reciprocation is my new favorite word.

My insides are twisting in the most incredible way, tighter…tighter…

Then it's thunder – a massive, whole-body jolt shaking through me. And I don't hold back, I call out his name and moan louder than I ever have because I have never had this level of pleasure in my life. Except for last night. It's like a new world.

He's quick to follow giving me exactly what I ordered.

We collapse next to one another, head to head now, snuggled in tight. We're breathing hard.

I turn to him. He's already watching me. I smile. He smiles back.

"Well, that was quite a wake up," he says, still catching his breath.

"Yes, it was."

He smoothes my hair. "You are more than I dreamt of. So much more."

Tears prick at my eyes.

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "No…it's just…you've made me feel so wanted, beautiful even and this is so different than-" I don't want to say it. His name. I don't want any of that mess here in this sweet place.

"It's okay. I know what you mean."

"You do? Leah was your first too?"

He grins. "No…but this – here," he points between us. "Is not the norm, Bella. It's not." He looks away, sad suddenly.

"What's the matter?" Oh God…maybe he regrets this.

"We have to go back tonight. To our own lives…and meet with them."

I nod. Stare at the ceiling. This will end. Tonight it'll be Jake next to me. Oh God.

"But there's always next weekend."

I turn my face to his. Hope soars. "True. I'm sure Jake will be happy I've finally come around." Maybe this can work – this odd, weird yet electrifying situation.

Edward grins, leans up and kisses me. Strokes my face again. "Exactly, and we'll be back here in five days replaying this weekend. Sound like a plan?"

I nod, smiling wide. "Yes." Who would have guessed I'd be doing this?

"Good…now, let me feed you breakfast."

"I'll help you."

He shakes his head. "No. You stay right here. I want to feed you in bed. Got it?"

I nod.

He smiles and sits up. Reaches down for his underwear. Slides them on his feet, then stands facing me. My eyes immediately shift to his length that's still got, well, length.

"I like that." I nod to what's captured my attention.

He grins and, dare I say, blushes. "I like you looking." He bends to kiss me once more then exits.

I lie in his bed with the covers pulled up around my neck. It sure is cold without him in bed. Edward in bed.

Not Jake.

No doubt he'll be thrilled I'm okay with this…situation. He'll probably congratulate me for seeing the light.

But… five days seems such a long way away… and work? How am I going to work? Gah. I just want to stay here.

From the bed, I look out the window. The sun's up and there's a thin silvery sheen to the trees. Brrr...frost. I lie back down and stuff myself inside the covers. This is much cozier.

I hear Edward clanking around the kitchen, making something. I wonder if he cooks for Leah a lot.

A pang of jealousy shoots through me. I hate the thought of sharing him.

Edward pops his head into the room. He furrows his brow. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me. You have that look on your face."

"What look?" He knows my 'looks'?

He sits on the edge of the bed shirtless, muscular and simply divine. "You get this look when you're deep in thought. This little line appears between your eyebrows and your lips purse a bit…so what's up?"

I breathe out. "It's just weird having to…share you and whatnot." I'm suddenly shy and red and awkward.

He nods. "Well, if it helps…I won't be having sex with Leah this week."

"What?"

"Leah and I don't have sex."

"No?"

He shakes his head like I should know this.

"Oh."

"So, I'm just saying you aren't really 'sharing' me."

I nod.

He stands suddenly. "But I'm sure I'll be sharing you," he says, looking down at me. "So anyway, white or wheat toast?"

I shake my head, entirely confused. "What? Oh…um…wheat, please."

Edward nods and leaves.

Jake and I having sex? Ha.

Several minutes later Edward comes in with a tray of eggs, bacon, toast with jam, fruit and juice. He sets me up, sets up his plate too and clanks my juice glass with his.

"To you," he says smiling. He starts eating.

"Jake and I don't have sex either," I blurt out.

He stops mid-chew. "Why not?"

"I don't know… he doesn't reach for me, I guess."

He nods. "Do you…want him to?"

I think about it a second. "I…do…did…"

"It's okay. He's your husband. You can still want him. I know you're only on loan so to speak."

"On loan?"

"I'm sorry, I just mean…you aren't mine, and I know that."

God, my heart hurts. I stare at my food. Eggs at twelve o'clock, bacon at three, toast at seven… round and round…like my life. Before this weekend I was just lumbering from one day to the next, doing the same thing…and now I have to go back to it and I don't want to. Well, at least Jake knew. Knew I needed this. I'll be sure to thank him…

"Why aren't you eating?" Edward asks. "You worked up my appetite, that's for sure." He chuckles.

I laugh too and dig in and, of course, it's delicious.

"Do you cook like this for Leah a lot?"

He shakes his head, sips some juice. "No, like I said, she likes to do things herself."

"Oh. That stinks."

"Nah, I'm used to it. Plus, it's not fun to cook for someone if they don't appreciate it, you know?"

I think about all the times I cooked for Jake and got nothing, not even a 'thanks' in return.

The day passes and the tension's returned. I can't help but count the hours, minutes, seconds that I have left here with Edward. I think Edward feels it too. He's so close, nuzzling his nose into my hair as we sit on the sofa in front of the dwindling fire, and holds my hand too, kisses me while he's at it, then unbuttons my shirt, slides it off. His shirt's next, then my pants, his too and before I know it, we're all over each other in the living room, making lo-…having sex in front of the fire.

The passion is tainted though…only a little while left…two hours…then one.

Finally, we dress, pack, and I stand outside on the front step watching Edward lock the door behind us. Seems like forever ago I came here, just as tense but now for different reasons.

In the car we hold hands, but say nothing. I breathe.

The pines soon become houses, houses become shops, shops turn into Main Street, which is where we're meeting up with my husband and Edward's wife.

I spot Mario's Pizza…it's where we all met for the first time a little over a year ago. My, how far we've all come.

I see Jake's car in the lot already. They must be inside. I reach for the car door handle. Edward stops me.

"Wait. Before we go in, um…" He looks down, rubbing my hand. "I had an amazing time with you and …I can't wait to see you next weekend."

I smile, no, I beam. "Me too. This was a weekend to remember – always. Thank you."

We kiss. Short and sweet, but wanting so much more.

We walk through the parking lot and it shifts - we shift – back to being someone else's. There's space between us, hands to ourselves.

It's a small restaurant, cozy, intimate. Jake and Leah are seated at a square table already, chatting.

"Hi!" Jake says seeing us enter. He stands, smiling. Holds his arms out to me for a hug. Odd. We embrace. He holds me tight. He smells the same…but it's different now. This all feels different. Foreign.

Leah hugs Edward too. She quickly pecks him on the lips. There's that pang of jealousy again.

We sit just as we were the last time: Jake to my left, Edward to my right, Leah across from me.

"So, you two have a good weekend?" Leah asks, smiling at us both.

I nod. It's just too weird.

"A very nice time," Edward says, clinically. "You?"

"Yeah, it was…nice," Leah says, her eyes shifting down to her fork.

Jake takes my hand. It's all I can do not to rip it away. "I missed you," he says, trying to find my eyes. I don't look at him. He doesn't let go of my hand, but I slip it away for a drink of water. My stomach rolls.

The waitress comes, takes our order for pizza. We get back to the conversation. Leah and Jake start talking about their fun time in the city. Seeing an opera. A couple of expensive dinners. Not my thing at all, and honestly, I don't want to know what they did…or share what we did either.

Leah asks Edward about our weekend. He answers plainly: movie, fishing, carnival. Minimal details.

"I bet you got cotton candy, huh?" Jake teases me.

I nod. Try to smile. Can't.

The pizza comes. A slice is cooling in front of me. I don't think I can eat it. They all converse around me while I'm lost in my own cell of confusion.

Finally, pizza's eaten and Jake says, "Listen, Leah and I were talking and we decided that… although we had a great time this weekend, we realized that we're better with both of you."

I whip my head up to his face. I'm wide-eyed and shocked.

"The two of us just didn't fit, you know?" He grabs my hand. Smiles his dimpled smile. "I missed you, Bella, and I'm sorry for ever suggesting this. I know this was hard on you."

I'm breathing hard. Swallowing. I steal a glance at Edward. He's calm. Blank expression.

"What?" I ask Jake, stunned. It's what I wanted, wasn't it? What I wished for not three days ago?

Jake kisses my hand. "I love you. You're my Bella, and I'm sorry. I've been a complete ass. Please forgive me?"

I take my hand away to cover my mouth. Jake smiles sweetly thinking that I'm happy to hear him say this when…no! This isn't what I want. No! No!

I shake my head. I have no words. I look to Edward who is watching me, just like they are. With my eyes I plead with him to say something…but he doesn't, he looks down.

Why doesn't he say something? Oh God! Was this a game to him? Some sick, twisted role-play?

"I've missed you too, Edward," Leah says, tilting her pretty head to the side flirtatiously.

Edward grins at her.

"I don't feel well." And I don't. I feel like I'm about to hurl and burst apart. I need to leave now. Now!

"You want to go home?" Jake asks.

I nod.

"Okay, okay. Let's go." Jake stands and helps me up. I give Edward one last glance, but he's not looking – Leah's hand is brushing his cheek. What the hell?

Jake's arm wraps around my waist as he leads me out. And although I'd probably pass out without his help, I don't want his arm around me. I don't!

Jake helps me into the car. He drives me home. I walk inside and I'm back. I don't want to be here! In this life!

I start for the bedroom. Jake follows. I climb up and into my bed. It smells the same, looks the same, is the same – everything is the same except me. I'm so different now.

I lie down under the covers. Jake sits on the edge of the bed. Feels my forehead.

"What changed your mind about everything?" I ask, throat dry.

He trails his fingers down my cheek. "I'm not sure exactly, but you know how sometimes when you're given exactly what you want, you don't want it anymore?"

I don't respond.

He continues. "Well, it's like that. Leah is great, but you are so much more. I think being away from each other gave me that perspective. Made me realize that what I have with you is…everything."

My belly flops, flips and my mouth starts to water.

Jake gives me a look. "Let me get something in case you throw up, okay? Be right back."

He gets up, and I want to die. Dead. Put me out of my misery. My head hurts, and the second he's back with the bowl I vomit. Over and over. I think I'm done when I vomit again.

"Do you think it was the pizza?" he asks, after getting a washcloth for my face.

"I don't know." But I do know. I'm so mixed up I don't know what to do, what to think…why didn't Edward say something? Why? And Leah misses Edward? It's done. Oh God, no…

I roll over. Shut my eyes. Curl into a ball.

"Sleep, baby. I'll be back to check on you in a little bit, okay?"

I grunt in response. He leaves the room.

In a way, I'm thankful I'm sick because until I get my mind back I don't know what to say to him.

To think just a few hours ago, Edward and I were connected in the most beautiful way… and now I'm home with Jake and puking. God…no. No no no no no….

**A/N:**

**Thank you for reading! Yes, a turn of events...what's a story without conflict, right? Right? :) Two updates tomorrow. I truly appreciate your time reading and reviewing. Your last chapter reviews especially have touched me so much! I just hope you trust me to take you to the end of this tale. **

**Special thanks to: Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312**


	18. Chapter 18: Monday Morning

**Chapter 18: Monday**

I awake with a start. Shoot up in bed. Realize I'm home. See Jake's familiar body lying next to me, sleeping.

Clock says three a.m.

I lie back down as quietly as possible so as not to disturb him.

But all I can think about is Edward...what happened with him? Why didn't he look at me? Say anything?

God, I still feel ill.

I glance at Jake again. He said he'd come back to me and he did. This is my husband…for better or worse…he's mine. And I'm his. Jake's. Not Edward's.

Tears. Tears fall straight down my cheeks. I'm stuck. Here.

I manage to fall asleep again and wake to hear Jake in the shower. Seven a.m. I have to go to work. I sit up.

Dizzy.

Whoa. I lie back down. My head is pounding and my stomach makes its angry self known. I curl up.

The bathroom door opens. Jake's in a towel. He's sculpted. Thick muscles. Just last week I'd thought how handsome he was. How lucky I was to have him in my life…but now?

I burst into tears.

Jake rushes over to the bed. "What's the matter? You okay?"

I shake my head. "I feel so sick. My head is killing me and my stomach-"

"Okay, okay…it's okay." He shushes me and brushes my hair back. "I'll call you out of work, all right? You'll be okay, baby. I'll take care of you."

I nod.

"I'll set you up before I go, okay?"

I nod again.

Jake busies himself, dressing. Then he starts bringing stuff over to my nightstand: the puke bowl, some water, Tylenol, and my cell phone. He even uncaps some ginger ale for me to sip.

He bends down and feels my head again. "You're warm. Definitely sleep more, okay? I'll call you at lunch to see how you are. I'll come home if you need me to, okay, baby?"

Stop with the 'baby'!

I nod.

He kisses me on the cheek. "Hope you feel better soon. I love you and… really want to show you just how much I've missed you." He throws me a dimpled smile then leaves, closing the door behind him.

I know what that means – sex. Sex with my husband, the one I'm supposed to have sex with, but I know it won't be anything like it was with Edward…but Edward obviously doesn't want me anymore, does he? He stayed silent…and Leah misses him, which must mean she wants to try and he won't say no to that. He's too considerate for that. Or maybe he wanted that all along. Maybe this was just a game. Oh my God! Stop!

I shut my eyes and sleep because there is no other escape. Clearly, I'm not safe anywhere.

**A/N:**

**I'm literally floored by your reactions to this past weekend! So many varying emotions from you all! I'm trying to respond to reviews as best as I can via pm since FFN is still being a bitch. Thank you for reading and reviewing! So appreciate it! Next update later tonight.**

**Special thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. Fabulously fabulous ladies!**


	19. Chapter 19: Monday Night

**Chapter 19: Monday Night**

I've been stuck in that hazy limbo between awake and asleep all day. Sort of dreaming, yet the horrible reality of my life slips in sometimes. That's when I'd jolt awake.

My belly hurts too. Actually, my belly muscles hurt. It's like I've been doing crunches all day except, no, I've just been vomiting a ton. I figured I was throwing up because I'm so emotionally torn, but I think I actually have a virus. I don't think a fractured heart can give me a fever…can it?

The sound of the backdoor opening and closing snaps me to attention. My eyes widen. Jake's home. His footsteps are nearing. He's coming in here. Oh God. I don't want to see him...

Closer. Closer. My heart races. Should I pretend to sleep? The door creaks open before I can decide.

"Hey baby…how are you feeling?" Jake says softly. Smiles at me. He sits on the edge of the bed. Puts a hand to my head. "Still warm. Been puking a lot?"

I nod. Hold on Bella...don't unravel yet.

He strokes my cheek gently. Examines me. "You hungry? Thirsty? I can get you something."

I shake my head.

"Okay, baby, I'm going to go downstairs and have dinner. Yell for me if you need me." He stands, but just before he leaves he turns and says, "I know you're sick, but...you're really pretty, even now."

The door closes. And fuck me if don't want to kick and scream from this sheer madness. Instead, I just throw up again.

**A/N:**

**Wow. Just wow. Seriously. The response to this story from each and every one of you is amazing. I'm speechless. NEGL. Thank you from the bottom of my (angelic) heart! For reals.**

**Two updates again tomorrow. Hope to see you then! (Some of you asked: I'm on twitter under the same name. And I'm there often. Twitter should pay me I'm there so much, but whatever... lol).**

**Special thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. You girls rock my thong off! :)**


	20. Chapter 20: Tuesday Morning

**Chapter 20: Tuesday**

I wake. Stretch. I feel better. Not as achy or nauseous. Jake's still sleeping though. Clock reads 6:30. He's late. I poke him.

"Jake," I whisper.

"Mmm…" he mumbles.

"Jake, you have to get up for work."

He stretches. Looks at me. Smiles. "Morning, beautiful."

I want to clamp my hands over my ears.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, sliding over and wrapping an arm around my waist. He's giving me 'the look'. Bites his lip.

"A little better."

His eyes rake down my body. His hand too. He draws light lines from my neck to between my breasts over the armor of my flannel pjs.

"How much better?"

I shake my head. No, no…not this. "I still feel nauseous," I lie.

He takes his hand away. Nods. "Maybe later then." He winks. "It's late anyway." He gets up. "You going into work today?"

"I think I'll try."

He nods and heads into the shower. I'm up and gathering my clothes when he comes out stark naked and hard, smiles at me proudly and continues to get ready.

I nearly run into the bathroom and lock the door. I cannot have sex with him. I just can't…but I can't avoid it forever, can I? At some point either I'll have to have sex or figure out what to say, which is…

I pull my hair. I don't know!

I cry in the shower. I just don't know how to deal with all of this – this utter insanity. None of it makes sense. I wanted Jake to want me…now I don't. I didn't want the weekend with Edward and now I want more, more…

But I can't have that. Even if Edward wanted me still, Jake and Leah stopped the whole thing.

I head to work and once again, work hard. Have to. No other choice.

**A/N:**

**To say I'm flabbergasted at the response to this story would be an understatement. I had no idea that my exercise in letting the characters lead me through the plot would resonate with so many of you! The feisty, angry, silly and heartfelt reviews honestly blow me away. It is the single most satisfying thing to know that something I wrote has impacted readers' emotions. I cannot thank you enough. **

**So, on that note, another update tonight! Hope to see you then. **

**Special thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. Good friends with pervy, beautiful hearts.**


	21. Chapter 21: Tuesday Night

_JSYK, this chapter is a little rough..._

**Chapter 21: Tuesday Night**

I return home from work. Jake's cooking. Well, he's unpacking Chinese food.

"Hey. Got your favorite," he says, holding up the wonton soup and eggroll.

"Oh. That's nice. Thanks," I say, trying not to meet his eyes.

He plates up the food. Smiles. "Go sit on the sofa. We can watch TV and eat."

I nod. Shit, he's really trying to be nice. I hang up my coat and drop my bag in the living room. I sit. Flick on the TV. Kick off my shoes. Breathe.

A moment later Jake brings me the food. "Here you go. What do you want to watch?"

"Doesn't matter to me." I notice how eerily similar this is to what I did with Edward…but then this is a normal part of living, right? A normal part of being together – sharing a meal and watching a show?

Then why does it feel so weird?

I eat, not paying attention to the food or the home improvement show Jake chooses. I steal a glance at him from the corner of my eyes. He's eating, watching TV, almost unaware of me.

There's still that distance…or maybe it's just the distance that I want and need. Is he really acting any different than usual?

I breathe. This is it. This is my life. What I chose for myself. I start to feel sick again. I put the food down.

Jake turns when I place my plate on the coffee table. "Done already?"

I nod. "Not that hungry."

"Oh." He places his plate down too. Sips his water and wipes his lips. Slides over to me. Throws an arm across my shoulders and nuzzles his nose into my cheek. "Maybe you're hungry for something else?"

If I were any stiffer, I'd be a statue.

He doesn't notice. He continues to nuzzle in. Sucks my ear lobe.

I'm breathing hard and not for the right reasons. I want to run away…but this is my husband. I'm supposed to want him…supposed to be with him. This is supposed to be right.

"I missed you, Bella," he whispers, his hand roaming across the front of my sweater.

Tears rise. I should want to hear that. I should. I did. I wanted this last week. My head spins like a top.

He begins kissing my neck. "You smell so good." He nibbles my jaw as his hand moves to my waist. He slides his fingers up under my sweater. "I'm so sorry, baby…I want to show you how much," he whispers.

His touch is familiar and usual, but I'm frozen. I can't manage to utter a word to stop things, and then I realize that maybe it's because I'm supposed to heal things here. Maybe that's what all this means. Maybe I need to give Jake another chance. Ten years of marriage deserves another chance, doesn't it?

He removes my top. Instinct says to cover myself, but I can't act any weirder than I already am without causing suspicion. Must maintain normalcy until I figure this out. What is it that I want?

With a quick flick, my bra is unhooked and tossed. He touches me. Kneads me. All I can picture is Edward - his gentle fingers, his masterful tongue, the feiry passion...this isn't like that! Damn it! There's no heat here! Maybe I need to relax. I breathe. Try to loosen my arms, my legs. Give him a chance, Bella. He's trying. He's your husband.

Jake kisses my body, but I'm no more than a limp fish. My arms just won't hold him.

He takes my hand. Rubs it against the bulge in his pants. "Look what you do to me, Bella."

I know I'm supposed to rub it, reach inside his pants for it…but I suddenly don't know how a zipper works.

He undoes his pants after he whips off his shirt, then starts at mine. Every undone button and zipper brings me that much closer to what is going to happen. If I let him continue, I have to accept what will happen. I open my mouth to speak...but it's like a dream where I can't form sounds.

"Oh, baby…I'm sorry for hurting you. I want to show you how much I love you." He strokes my face. He lays me back.

I'm in free fall.

He sits up, gazes down at my body. "Gorgeous."

Oh God, how I wish it was Edward staring, getting his fill.

He lines himself up. "Oh...I want you so much, Bella." He pushes inside.

I try. I try so hard to want him. I flip through memories of when sex was hot with him…but they're too distant and fuzzy. I try to remember the last time I wanted Jake, which makes me realize that it was only last week – before the weekend away – before I experienced Edward and…what life could have been like every weekend...

Jake's grunting, "Oh yeah" like he always. He's close.

"Feel good, baby?" he huffs and puffs at me.

"Mmm…" is all I can reply.

With one last grunt, Jake's done. I breathe in relief.

He hovers over me, breathing. Finally, he looks at me. Into my eyes. "I've missed you so much." He kisses me. Pulls out. Finds his clothes. Tosses mine to me. We dress. I head to the bathroom to clean up…and stare at myself in the mirror.

What the hell am I doing?

Fuck.

I breathe deeply. Splash my face with water.

This is my life. I must accept it. The switching is over. Leah wants Edward back…and I have to get over the fact that I spent a weekend in heaven, no matter what it was to Edward. I'd better start connecting to Jake. He's trying. It's only fair if I do the same.

I brush my teeth, wash my hands and head back out into the living room where Jake's watching the home improvement shows again. I sit on the sofa. He scoots next to me, kisses my head and slings an arm around the back of the sofa behind me. It's his way of holding me I suppose.

Shortly thereafter, I feign tiredness and head to bed. Sleeping, or pretending to, is the only real escape for now.

**A/N:**

**Small barf bags are $2, large are $3. LOL Believe it or not this was a necessary chapter, or at least one of the characters thought so and kept showing it to me. Oh and EMCxo, well, she wanted it WAY dirtier, WAY more graphic and I thought 'no, I just can't compromise myself for her love of Jake.'**

***hides from EMCxo, but notices how pretty she looks under that bus***

**Kidding! Seriously, much credit goes to her since I've been emailing her various versions of this for days and she's honestly read this thing like ten times, shuddering (and dying a little more) every time. Yeah. I obviously owe her some serious alcohol. **

**Anyway, thank you all so very much for reading and reviewing! There are two updates again tomorrow. Hope to see you then! :)**

**Many thanks also go to Shoeluvvr, Cosmogirl7481 (who safe-worded me on this chapter) and Raina312. MWAH!**


	22. Chapter 22: Wednesday Morning

**Chapter 22: Wednesday Morning**

7:30 am

Need to get ready for work.

I pick up my toothbrush. Smear on the toothpaste in a careful, even line. I watch myself brush my teeth in the mirror: up, down, up down. I notice the new, dark circles under my eyes. I look worn. I am worn. Worn out.

I go to rinse out my mouth and notice all of Jake's things in the bathroom: his toothbrush, his shaving kit, his deodorant, his towel on the floor, his socks tossed near the hamper.

I suddenly have this vision of his things gone - just my things remaining. I'd have so much room, wouldn't I? The cap to the toothpaste would always be on, the toilet seat always down, toilet paper roll always full, only my towel hanging. I'd have room to spread out my few bits of makeup and my hairbrushes even if I mainly use just one.

The thought is freeing. Liberating even. I glance around the bathroom walls. No more Victorian blue that Jake favors. Nope. I'd go for a light yellow. Buttery, creamy, sunny.

A new bath rug too. Larger. Fluffier.

I step into the bedroom. New gauze curtains that allow all the sunlight through. Get rid of the wall-to-wall carpet. I think there's hard wood underneath.

I glance at the bed. Sprawling. Stretching. New sheets. New comforter. Lighter, brighter colors.

But alone.

I'd be alone. What kind of life would it be like to be alone? Alone forever perhaps. Grow old alone. By myself.

I quickly step back into the bathroom and shut the door. I'm breathing too hard.

I strip fast and step into the shower and stay there until the fear washes it's way down the drain.

**A/N:**

**OMG - I cannot mop up all this puke! People! Take hold of yourselves! LOL Kidding! I know it was a tough chapter last night and I'm sorry, but I hope you're all feeling better. :) I very much appreciate you making me laugh in your reviews and of course holding on, trusting, reading and reviewing! Another chapter tonight! **

**Special thanks to the wondrous and slutastic: Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. **


	23. Chapter 23: Wednesday Night

**Chapter 23: Wednesday evening**

"Hey baby," Jake says, coming home after work. He hangs up his jacket and kisses me on the head. "What's for dinner?" he asks since I'm just sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"I don't know. I'm not hungry."

"Still sick?" He feels my head. "No fever. Well, maybe if you make me some food, you'll feel better." He laughs.

I don't respond. Just continue watching TV.

He's still standing there and I don't know why. "I talked to Leah today."

My heart drops. Edward. I glance back at him casually. "Yeah?" I'm afraid to know. I steel myself.

"Yeah, I guess Edward was really sick this week too. Was puking and had a fever just like you."

"Oh?"

Jake nods. "She thought maybe he needed to go to the hospital because he was so dehydrated, but then she said he started feeling better."

"That's good." I focus on the TV trying not to let my mind run wild with thoughts of Edward. The Edward I want but can't have.

"Guess you guys caught the same bug. You know, close proximity and all that stuff."

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's an odd tone to Jake's voice - it's different, unlike him. I nod.

"Anyway, she wanted to know if we wanted to have dinner with them on Friday."

My hearts starts hammering. I glance to Jake. "Not Saturday?"

He shrugs. "Breaking tradition I guess. Anyway, I wasn't sure…what do you think?"

What do I think? God, I want to see Edward, but…how can I sit through dinner knowing he and Leah are probably having sex and getting along fine and rediscovering their lovey-dovey romance? "I don't know."

Jake shrugs. "I guess it wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean it's not like any of us ever had sex with each other, you know?"

My face flames. I nod. Look away. He didn't have sex with Leah?

"I mean, had we all had sex, I think it would be too weird, but since we didn't…"

I nod again.

Jake sticks his face in mine. "I'm glad you didn't fuck him, Bella." His eyes search mine.

Oh God. Can he tell? Can he see my heart pounding in my chest?

He kisses me. "Glad you're still mine, baby. I'll tell her we'll meet them."

I nod again and Jake heads into the bedroom to change.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for reading and for your reviews. I have laughed at so many of them - you are an entertaining group! Of course there are also reviews that are so heartfelt and feisty too - I love them all, truly. **

**So...one short update tomorrow then...Friday! I'm reluctant to say this because I'm afraid some will assume things (and you know what happens when we assume, right? lol), but there isn't too much left to go. **

**Much thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312. **massive squishy squeezes****


	24. Chapter 24: Thursday

**Chapter 24: Thursday**

I'm balancing two bags of groceries and my purse while trying to unlock the door in the dark and frankly, I just can't answer my ringing phone at the same time. It'll just have to go to voicemail.

The bags are slipping. I finally open the door and rush to the kitchen table before everything crashes out of my arms.

Bag one down. Bag two. And my purse. Breathe.

I dig my phone out from under receipts and my wallet and gum wrappers in my purse. God, this thing needs to be cleaned out.

Who didn't leave a message? Probably Jake. I roll my eyes.

Bella…try. He's your husband. He wants you…even if you don't want him.

Phone on. Lock unlocked. Scroll through the call log…

Edward.

Oh God.

Edward called me? My belly tumbles. My heart ramps up the pace. I start the laps around the house.

Why? Why is he calling me? Maybe to let me down before tomorrow night? To make sure I know he's off limits? So I don't cause a scene? Or maybe to cancel altogether?

Do I call him back? Do I want to know why he's calling?

Around and around from room to room. Do I call? Maybe he dialed me accidentally?

I stop and stare at my phone hoping a magic answer will appear on it.

I breathe. Steel myself.

I guess it would be better to hear whatever he's got to say in the privacy of my home where I can appropriately fall to pieces.

I touch the screen. Find his name. 'E. Cullen' stares at me… I just need to tap the green call button…just touch it. My finger points. Lowers. Just do it, Bella.

Click. The door. Jake's home!

Shit!

I toss my phone on the table and quickly start unpacking as if I were doing this all along and not trying to call Edward.

"Hi," Jake says coming in. He peers into the bags. "Ooh. You bought apples. I was totally in the mood for one. Thanks, baby." He takes one from the grocery bag and heads upstairs to change.

I breathe out. Clearly, I was holding my breath. I listen. Jake is washing his hands. Maybe I can call Edward later.

But later never comes. Jake shadows me all night. Super chatty too. Asking me questions about my day, one after another. He never does that. The most is 'how was your day?' But now he seemingly wants to know every detail. Account for every hour. What kind of project am I working on? Who am I working with on it? What did I have for lunch? Who did I sit with? Did I surf online today? Did anyone call?

I sigh.

Yes, Edward did.

**A/N:**

**And, we have contact. Sort of. An aborted mission. I have no idea why I'm speaking like Buzz Lightyear. LOL Anyway, tomorrow is dinner! Eep! Jsyk, there are 4 more updates. One tomorrow and three on Saturday.**

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I LOVE reading your reactions and thoughts and try my best to respond. **

**Special thanks to Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEXY!) and Raina312.**


	25. Chapter 25: Friday

_*Deep breath* Dinner is served..._

**Chapter 25: Friday**

They didn't cancel, and I've tried so hard not to, but I can't help counting the minutes until our dinner date. Of course, the whiplash of emotions is killing me. Thrilled, nervous, excited, terrified, torn…

I breathe.

I start to get ready. Come across the wrap dress again. I hang it on the closet door and stare at it.

Should I wear it? Hmm...maybe I should just wear jeans and a sweater. Make myself plain and blend into the background. Maybe I can simply fade my way out of all this.

Jake walks in. Sees me staring at the dress.

"Oh yeah. Wear it, baby. You look amazing in that."

I nod. Fine. I'll wear the dress. Try. I have to try.

We drive to the restaurant. Jake's hand is on my knee. I want to smack it off but don't. Try, Bella.

We pull into the restaurant's parking lot.

Oh God…I'm about to see Edward. He probably won't look at me again. He'll probably cozy up to Leah …like he should, but damn I don't want him to.

Their car is already here. We get out. Jake smiles at me.

I force a grin. My heart is pounding its way out of my chest like a prisoner.

Jake opens the restaurant door for me. God, he's really trying.

Leah and Edward are at the bar. My stomach drops as my eyes immediately lock on Edward and stay there. Beautiful. So beautiful.

I want to be cool, nonchalant, but can't help staring. Edward doesn't smile. He just stares for a long moment then glances at the drink in his hand.

Oh shit.

My heart is living in my throat.

"Hi guys," Leah says, kissing us both on the cheek like normal.

We kiss her back. Edward shakes Jake's hand and then leans in to kiss me per usual on the cheek, except before he does his eyes hold mine as he whispers my name softly, sadly.

I feel the tears. Fuck. The amount of tears I've shed over this entire situation…a stirring of anger swells inside, but I put a lid on it. Wouldn't be polite to make a scene.

We're led to our table and we take our usual positions, Jake to my left, Edward to my right.

I stare at my menu as if there are directions on to how to proceed tonight. Unfortunately, it's just a list of chicken, fish or steak…kabobs…

They actually have kabobs here and when I order them, I can feel Edward's eyes on my face. Willing me to look his way. I can't though. Don't want to crumble in public.

Jake turns to me. "Steak kabobs, huh? Going exotic on me, are you?"

I grin and nod. Drink my drink. Check the time. There's a ton of conversation in this place, and yet nothing can seem to take me out of my head. I hate it. Hate that I've become quieter, withdrawn, and unable to handle just about everything.

I glance up. Is Leah sitting closer to Edward?

I drink again.

Jake and Leah start talking work and that's when Edward leans in. "How are you?"

I breathe. Stay calm, Bella. "Fine, thanks."

I see him nod out of the corner of my eye. He drinks too. He leans toward me again. "I tried calling you."

I nod.

"Are you upset with me?"

I glance at him. He's concerned. I see it clear as day on his face. "I'm confused. Really, really confused."

"What's going on?" he whispers.

I shake my head. Can't go into it here, now. I'll be a mess.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he presses which only makes the tears push at my eyes.

I swallow. "It was a game to you, wasn't it?"

"What?" Edward says a little too loudly.

"What's the matter?" Jake asks, interrupting his conversation with Leah.

I shake my head. Drink casually, as if I'm not being ripped apart at the seams.

Jake watches me carefully. He knows something is up. He has all week but hasn't said a word. Coward.

Edward leans back, drinks his drink too. His eyes are on me and nothing else.

Jake continues his conversation with Leah, but I can tell he's got one ear peeled to me.

Our dinner arrives. We eat. Casual conversation continues. I participate when necessary. Jake watches me. So does Edward. Something's happening. Not sure what, but the atmosphere is changing.

"So Bella, Edward says he made his marinated steak kabobs for you last weekend…how'd you like them?" Leah asks.

My heart pounds. Shit. I know Jake's connecting my order tonight to that. I see his jaw tighten.

"It was very good. He's great on the grill." I try to smile. I drink more to cover my tracks, because, frankly, I feel like I'm leaving pieces of myself everywhere.

Edward grins and nods. "See? Other people like that marinade, Leah," Edward jokes.

"You'll have to make it for me sometime, won't you, Edward?" Jake says.

Oh no.

"I'd make it for you, but you'd have to come to the woods, and it's a little cold up there for you, no?"

Oh fuck.

"Nope. I can handle it just fine, Edward. I'd love to come up there. In fact, I'm great at hunting. I know just how to hunt down what needs to be hunted."

I've got the glass tilted up to my lips, but my drink is gone. I can tell Leah is confused. Can't blame her. I'm so fucked in the head it isn't funny.

"I bet you do." Edward finishes.

There's a collective pause. Tension is high. Thank God we're in a public place. I think it's keeping us all in check.

Jake scoots his chair toward me. Curls my hair behind my ear. "So pretty…" he whispers. I cringe and pull away.

"So, did Bella tell you?" Jake asks them while staring at my face.

"No, what?" Leah says smiling. Edward leans in to hear. I'm curious too.

"Bella and I are going to start a family."

"What?" I say, in total and complete shock.

"Wow, that's gr-" Leah begins until I interrupt.

"What are you talking about?" I snap.

Jake nods, like he's being so cool, so sly, but truthfully I want to pummel his face into the ground. "I'm finally ready, baby."

The vomit is right there, only one more 'baby' away from being hurled into his lap.

"Are you pregnant?" Edward asks quietly.

"No!" I nearly shout.

"Shh…baby…quiet," Jake says, leaning in, putting a hand over my tightened fist on the table.

I rip my hand away. "I will not shh. Who says _I__'__m_ ready?"

Jake smiles, seemingly oblivious to my anger. "You. You've always wanted kids, and I'm ready to give them to you. I mean we even tried the other night."

My mouth drops, but my hand rushes to cover it. Fuck! I glance to Edward, whose face is tight, hard. He's breathing heavily through his nose, like a bull…ready to charge.

Jake continues, "She's got me wrapped around her finger, you know? My wife knows her way around my heart… and the bedroom."

I'm so horrified I cannot speak. My mouth literally hangs open and that's it.

I hear Edward mumble, 'I fucking know' and leans back, drinking his drink.

"What?" Jake says, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head at Edward.

Edward turns slowly toward Jake, examining him. Leans forward. "I said, I know."

"You know what?" Jake snips.

"That she's amazing in the bedroom, all right asshole?"

"What?" Jake shouts. Leah puts her hand on Jake's forearm. Tries to shush him.

"What?" Edward says.

"Did you fuck my wife?" Jake says through gritted teeth.

Edward straightens up. "Yeah, I did."

Jake whips his head to me. "You fucked him? You said you didn't!"

"I didn't say that – you assumed," I seethe.

"You fucking bitch," Jake says at me.

I see Edward push his chair out. Leah grabs his arm to stop him.

I point my finger in Jake's chest. Through gritted teeth I say, "Fuck you, Jacob Black. You asked for it. You begged me to let you sleep with Leah and I agreed. It tore me up, but did you care? No. You saw how hurt I was, how much I wanted to save things, but no. It didn't matter then, so why the hell do you care now?"

That's it. I'm up, out of my seat, heading for the exit. Tears fall fast. I reach outside and realize I don't have the keys. Where the hell am I going to go? I begin walking down the street.

"Stop! Bella!"

Shit. Jake's catching up. I keep walking. Fast footsteps rush behind me. Hands reach my elbow and spin me around. Jake.

"You fucking slept with him? How could you do that? How? I didn't lay a hand on Leah!"

"And I knew that? For all I knew you were fucking her before the weekend with the way you were acting, Jake. Flirting with her for a fucking year in front of me! A year! You didn't care how inferior it made me feel. Never even bothered to notice, and if you did notice you just continued on not giving one shit about me. You've been so wrapped up with your own wants, so why all of a sudden do you care what I did? You never cared before."

"I've always cared! Always. You were the one-"

"The one, what? The one that was always making sacrifices so you could be happy? Moved across the country to satisfy your New England fantasy? Bought a house we couldn't afford because you loved it? Didn't have kids because you weren't ready? And then we reach the all time low with you asking to sleep with another woman for a weekend? This isn't Planet Jake! I live here too. Me. Bella. I have hopes and dreams and things I want to do, and what happens with that? Nothing!"

Jake stands frozen, stunned. I'm stunned too. Where is this coming from? It's like all my filters shut down at once. I breathe. Leah and Edward are standing nearby. Listening to everything.

"So yeah, I slept with Edward, and you know what? He was more attentive and caring in the forty-eight hours we were together than you've ever been. And even though it was all an act, this – what you and I have going - stops now, Jake. I am no longer your doormat!" I turn and walk and walk and walk. Nowhere to go, but I don't care. It's just me and the cold air that fills my lungs, my head.

No one chases me. No one yells my name like in the movies. I'm alone. For the first time ever, I'm truly alone.

At least I'm in a populated area. I know there's only one hotel on this road. I think it was this road. Everything looks so different on foot.

Up ahead I spot the hotel. Thank God I have my credit card with me. I enter and rent a room. No baggage now. It's just me.

I get to my room, turn on the light and plop on the bed.

I weep. Sob. Cry my eyeballs out until they sting. I use a whole roll of toilet paper wiping my eyes and blowing my nose… I think I chafed my nose.

I turn on the TV. Need noise.

I'm scared. Alone. I've never really been alone. Maybe I should just go home?

No!

The idea repulses me. My relationship with Jake is irrevocably broken. There is no going back…but where do I go from here? How will I ever move on? It doesn't seem possible.

I lie back. I'll need a new place to live, to somehow get my clothes, my things. How will we divide our life? My whole life is ruined…oh God! It's too much.

I wipe my eyes. Breathe.

Maybe I need to start off slow, like figure out where to get a toothbrush. Yes. Baby steps. I visualize the road I was just on…where is a drugstore?

I hear a knock. Another one – louder. A third – louder still. I realize I fell asleep. "Who is it?"

"Me…Edward."

I bolt up in bed. Breathe. I stand up. I get to the door, peer through the peephole. It's him. He's alone I think. I open the door without unchaining it. "What do you want?" I'm not in the mood to go toe-to-toe with anyone else tonight.

"Can I come in to talk with you for a minute?" He looks sincere, but he did the last time too.

"Why? You got your fantasy fulfilled, Edward. What else do you need?"

He looks at his feet. "Bella, please. I promise, I just want to talk, and if you want me to go away after, I will. I just need to clear the air, okay?"

I shut the door. Unchain it. I open the door and let him pass through.

He sits on the other bed – the one without the mound of tissues on it. He waits for me to sit. I do. He's tapping the edge of the mattress. He finally looks at me. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?"

"Not really." He breathes. Taps his fingers more. "Why would you think this was some kind of game to me?"

"Because last Sunday when we met for pizza and Jake and Leah said they wanted to stop things – you didn't say anything. You just sat there, silent. Didn't even look at me."

He shakes his head. Looks at his feet again then to me. "You didn't say anything either, so I thought it's how you wanted it… plus what was I supposed to say? You aren't mine to stake claim to... and our weekend away was definitely a fantasy, but mostly because I never thought it'd happen."

He runs his hand through his hair. "I wasn't lying or playing you in any way, Bella. Shit. I know Jake fucked with your head, but I don't work that way. Everything I said and did that weekend was one hundred percent from my heart. Every single thing." He stands. "I'm sorry if you think otherwise."

He makes his way to the door and I know he isn't lying.

I stop him as he turns the doorknob. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave, Edward."

He turns to me. His face is just as wrung out as mine.

"I'm afraid," I whisper. I start to sob again. I cover my face.

He grabs me into a tight hug. Strokes my head. "It's okay," he repeats over and over. For the longest time he holds me. When my cries begin to fade, he leads me to the barely-there roll of toilet paper on the bed. We sit together and he tears off all that remains, folds it a few times and wipes my eyes for me. "You're going to be okay, Bella."

"I have no idea how to live without him in my life…but I don't want him back. I don't. God, it's so confusing."

"Shh…tonight isn't for making any decisions, okay? Just breathe. Breathe."

And I do. Deeply. I wipe my eyes a little more. He watches me carefully.

"Bella, you need to rest, and I don't think you can sleep well here-"

I panic. "I can't go home. I can't. I'm not ready to see him. I'm just-"

He strokes my cheek. "I don't think you're ready to go there either, but you won't sleep well here. How about you stay at the cabin? You can relax there and-"

"I don't have my car, Edward."

He grins. "I'll drive you."

"It's out of your way."

"Out of my way of what?"

"Home. You have to get home, don't you? Does Leah even know you're here?"

"She does." He smiles gently. He stands, holds his hand out for mine. "Come on. Let's talk about everything in the car, okay?" He helps me up.

We're quiet in the car driving - mostly because I'm in my own head, which just needs to calm the fuck down already. It needs to stop turning over every detail of the last three weeks. It needs silence. The silence of the woods.

I look out my window. We're nearing the turn off I think. I notice how the tall trees flank the road, standing like dark shadows against the midnight sky. But the full, low-slung moon offers light…enough to make it safely through. The thought makes me glance at Edward. He's focused on the road, or seems to be anyway.

He catches my eye. Grins. "You okay?"

I nod. "I'm a little better…so Leah knows you're here?"

"She does. After you left, Jake tried to fight me, but Leah calmed him down."

"What? Fight you? As in punch you?"

Edward chuckles. "Yeah, like that, but Leah pulled him away. Said she'd take care of him and told me to find you – make sure you were okay…which I was planning on doing anyway, just so you know."

"Oh…" Whoa. "Well, what about you two? I thought Leah wanted to work things out."

He shakes his head. "I think she just felt obligated to act that way because of Jake. I don't know what he told you about their weekend-"

"He didn't say anything and I didn't ask. Didn't really want to know, or care."

Edward nods. "Well, it wasn't anything either of them expected. It seems once permission was granted, all the excitement fizzled out. That's what I gathered anyway."

"Oh. I'm surprised Leah told you about their weekend."

"Actually, Leah and I talked a lot that night after pizza. She and I laid all the cards out. We finally both admitted – out loud – that her dad's last wish was what was holding us together. Honestly, it was such a relief to get it out there and that she felt the same." He glances my way. "We've decided to divorce. We planned to say something tonight, but then everything happened with you guys."

"Oh God, I'm sorry Edward."

"What are you sorry for? It was inevitable, Bella. I'm just glad she and I are on the same page. It makes things easier…look, we're here."

The cabin.

Edward parks and gets out. I follow. Edward opens the cabin door and flicks on the light. The living room is just as cozy as when we left it, and although I'm weighed down by so much, I'm also oddly lighter. Perhaps being here has lifted me.

I stand and breathe while Edward turns on the lights and the heat.

"Come in here. I have some clothes you can sleep in." I follow him into his bedroom from last time. I stare at the bed remembering…

I can't help but wonder if I'll have that kind of passion again. Ever.

He pulls out a t-shirt, sweatpants, a sweatshirt and a pair of thick tube socks from the drawers. He turns to hand them to me.

"I'll leave you to change, okay?"

"Okay." He leaves and it feels different between us. I'm not sure how to proceed here, but I can't think about it. Too much clutter in my head already.

I change. Open the door. He's in the room across the hall, pulling shades. "Edward?"

He comes over. "Yeah?"

"Do you want me to sleep in here or in that room?"

"That one's fine." He stops, waits. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

I climb into the bed. He tucks me in. Strokes my hair. I breathe. "Sleep well. See you in the morning."

"Okay," I turn over, and he turns out the light and leaves me. I want to sleep. I really do, but the thoughts – the myriad of thoughts keep me awake. I watch the clock: one o'clock…two o'clock…three o'clock…

It's so silent and dark. I give in and finally get up to look out the window. It's beautiful. Peaceful. I throw on the sweatshirt Edward left for me and head out to the living room. I quietly search for some shoes. Find a pair of Edward's boots in the hall closet. I slide them on and carefully open the slider door to the deck.

Wow, it's cold…but it feels good. Invigorates my insides as I breathe in the air. Clears my head some too.

I lean on the deck railing, looking out. The trees tower around the cabin, but it feels more like protection than anything ominous. Moonlight still lights the trees in a negative-photo kind of way. It offers a sliver of peace to my weary mind.

I hear an owl hooting. I close my eyes and let the stark sound seep into me. Engulf me. It sounds so lonely. Isolated.

Like me.

I'm alone now. It's just me. I don't have a home any longer. Haven't really had one in a long time, have I? In a way I've already been living alone. Maybe it's time I try it for real.

"What are you doing?" I hear behind me and I jump.

"Oh my God! You scared the shit out of me!" I giggle slightly while holding my chest.

In pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, Edward's arms are crossed over his chest, trying to keep in all the escaping heat. He steps towards me, his hair is a mess. "It's fucking freezing. Why are you out here?"

"I couldn't sleep." I look down, ashamed to admit it. "I've never slept alone…well, I mean I have but not in the last twelve years. It just doesn't feel right." I look up at him and realize. "But I'm not hinting that you need to sleep in the bed, I'm just saying sleeping alone is so foreign to me."

He lightly hops back and forth to stay warm. "I know what you mean."

I sigh.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Well…I'm not sure how you see things playing out, you know, between us – if you even do, but…I think I need some time to get to know who I am and what I need in my life, and I think it would be really foolish of me not to take this opportunity to figure that out."

He examines me carefully. He steps closer. "I completely agree with you."

"You do?"

He nods. "Yeah, I think for both of us, starting any new relationship on the heels of the last is a recipe for disaster."

I grin. "Well, I'm happy we're on the same page."

He nods, smiling. "Me too."

We both shift our focus to the pattern of trees ahead. It's simply gorgeous. I glance his way. "Just so you know, I do hope that my future includes you in some way."

"Me too. Maybe we can just be friends for now. You know, no pressure - just talk, see movies, hang out – that's it."

I nod. "I'd really like that."

He smiles. "Then it's a plan."

**A/N:**

**Well, not sure if it was what was expected, but it's what felt right, or so the characters told me. I'll upload the last three chapters throughout the day tomorrow. Of course, it's also my daughter's 5th birthday party, so it's going to be a little hectic for me. I won't be around much until the later evening to check in, but I hope you all enjoy! As always, thank you for your time, support and reviews!**

**Many, many thanks to my friends who make every day brighter, happier and to borrow a phrase from Elle Woods, 'funner': Shoeluvvr, EMCxo, Cosmogirl7481 and Raina312.**


	26. Chapter 26: August 2012

**Chapter 26: August 2012 (Nine months later)**

Jake and I walk out of the chamber and down the long, crowded hallway toward the exit. He opens one of the double doors for me and we step straight out into the dog days of summer. A slight breeze provides only a moment of relief. Birds fly around. People mill about, heading up the marble stairs, down the marble stairs.

We stand at the bottom on the sidewalk, amidst the activity. Turn to one another. Wait.

"Well, this is surreal," he says.

I nod. "Yes it is."

Silence.

"So now that you're officially single, you think you and Edward will finally start dating?" he asks with a slight grin.

I shake my head at him. "I'm not ready to date anyone yet."

"I bet he's chomping at the bit."

I smile. "Actually, no. We're just friends. Just how we both need it to be for now."

Jake nods and looks down, hands in his pockets. Takes a deep breath. Looks up at me. "I know we've talked about this a million times, but I wanted to apologize again for all the shit I did. I was such an ass for so long, Bella – taking you for granted, not loving you like you deserve to be loved, and I don't know what I was thinking pushing the idea of swapping-"

"Jake, first off, I think we both know that our relationship was already in a bad place way before the swapping thing came up. And as far as you being an ass, well, yes you were," I grin, "but it also takes two. I allowed you to be an ass. It's one of the things I'm learning in therapy; that not only do I share an equal responsibility in any relationship, but that I need to speak up for myself…which feels really good to be honest."

He smiles with those dimples I once loved. "Well, it looks good on you."

I confidently smile in return. "Thank you."

He nods.

Silence.

"The realtor called me earlier - said the closing on the house is next Thursday, so we should have a check cut to both of us the following week," he says.

"Okay, cool."

"Now you can afford the rest your photography classes in one shot."

"You know me too well." I smile. "So, are you all settled in your fancy New York City apartment?"

"Yeah, pretty much, and the new job is great too. I'm finally branching out from residential plans to corporate. It's exciting."

"That's great. I'm really happy for you."

He nods. I nod. Silence again.

Without warning, Jake snatches me into a strong hug for a long moment. Releases me slowly, gently. Looks me in the eye. "I need you to know that," he swallows hard, "even though things didn't work out between us as husband and wife, you'll always hold a very special place in my heart…" He breathes. "So, if you ever need anything – anything at all - you just call me. All right?"

Even though I've come so far, I can't help but get a little teary. "Okay, thank you."

He nods and hails a cab. The cab pulls up. He opens the door. Turns to me. "And the day you become a mom, I want to know, all right? You'll be amazing, Bella." With one last smile, he slides into the seat. Shuts the door.

I watch him drive off. I breathe.

I walk down the sidewalk to the parking lot and get into my car. Drive to my apartment. I walk through the lobby, wave hello to Bob, the doorman, and step onto the elevator. Exit to my floor. Open the apartment door.

I place my purse on the small entry table along with my keys. Kick off my shoes. I head to the kitchen and pour a glass of orange juice for myself. Lean on the counter. Glance around.

My cell rings.

"Hi Edward." I smile. My hearts skips. Happens every time. Even over the phone he has that effect on me.

"Hi. How did it go? You okay?"

I walk through my place toward my bedroom noticing that every decision here has been mine – the placement of every stick of furniture, the arrangement of photos, the colors of the walls and towels and bedding – it's all mine.

I sit on my bed and sink in. "Yeah, I am okay, actually."

"That's good. Do you still want me to stop over?"

"Um, actually, I just want to hang out alone tonight if that's okay with you. Just need some space I think. Did you feel like that when you and Leah signed the papers?"

"Yeah, I did. I think it's an emotional thing regardless of the situation. Nothing wrong with a little alone time."

I smile. What a great guy. "Okay, I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can catch that Indiana Jones marathon at the Bijou tomorrow night?"

"Sounds great. I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

"Talk to you then."

I hang up and lie back. Today was the end of one chapter of my life, but I'm confident that it's also the beginning of a whole new life for me.

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the day delay in posting. If you're not on Twitter then you weren't aware that between my daughter's bday party and a sudden belly virus that I was hit with, it was too difficult for me to update. Anyway, the other two will upload today - one in a bit, the last tonight around 9 pm EST. Thank you for understanding and, or course, reading and reviewing! I've read your reviews from the last chap and all I can say is *sniff* thank you so much!**

**See you in a little while. :)**


	27. Chapter 27: July 2014

**Chapter 27: July 2014**

I watch Edward try to fluff out the blanket on the dock, but the corners fold in.

"Want some help?"

"No, I'm good," he says fluffing it out once more, using the light summer breeze to assist. Humid air persists, but damn, if Edward doesn't look good with a light sheen of sweat, especially when his t-shirt clings to his chest.

The sun sits high in the sky, far above the highest tree. The atmosphere hums with summertime noises: bullfrogs, cicadas and birds.

He smoothes out the blanket. "Okay, you can sit now." He smiles up at me as he sits too and begins unpacking the surprise picnic basket.

I lean forward trying to take a peek at the contents.

"No peeking!" he teases, pulling the basket away from me.

One by one he removes all these Tupperware containers. "So we have steak and veggie kabobs in here." He grins. I giggle. "And tortillas in this one, sour cream in here, some fresh strawberries for dessert and, of course, wine."

"Ooh, Edward, this looks so good! God, it's my favorite stuff."

He laughs. "I know. I figured we could make wraps with the kabobs. Easier out here instead of rice. Let me make one for you." He sets me up with a glass of wine first then starts to assemble a wrap for me.

I watch him – in all his sweetness. He's always been so damn thoughtful. "I remember when you first made those for me."

He glances up. Grins. "Me too. We've come a long way."

"Yeah, we have. After my counseling and our divorces…I wasn't sure we'd end up here, you know?"

He nods. "I'm happy we did though."

"Me too. You've always been there for me. Thank you for being such a good friend through all of that."

"Through what? You living for a year in that apartment building with the wacky doorman?" He chuckles.

I laugh. "Bob was harmless. So he had two teeth and liked sucking on chicken bones, he was always nice to me."

"That's because he had a crush on you."

"He did not. Plus it was closer to work and my photography classes."

Edward shakes his head. "That's true. Speaking of which, where's your camera? I'm shocked it's not on you."

I reach behind me. "Ta-da! You think I'd leave the camera back at the cabin on a gorgeous day like this? When you told me you were making a surprise lunch for me? Sheesh. Where's your faith?" I giggle and start snapping photos of him stuffing the tortilla with kabob mixture and sour cream.

"You really need to photograph this?" He smiles. Shakes his head.

"Yeah. You're hot when you're holding your kabobs." I burst into laughter.

He does too. "Here. Eat, Miss Piggy." He hands me a plate and waits for me to take a bite.

Like always, it's delicious. "Mmm…Edward….really good."

He nods, so very proudly. "Glad you like it."

I finish chewing. "I do. You are seriously the best boyfriend anyone could ever hope to have. You know, there was a time when I wasn't sure you wanted to be my boyfriend."

His eyes rush to my face. "What? I was waiting on you."

"Oh please. I asked you on so many dates, and you never kissed me at the end. I started to think I was unkissable, which is why I asked you to go to the drive-in with me. I could finally throw myself at you in the privacy of a car...because I'm classy like that," I tease.

He shakes his head. His slack-jawed face turns to a smirk. He casually places his kabob wrap down then lunges at me. Kisses me with all the heat in the world because I guarantee I'm about ten degrees hotter than just a minute ago.

He pulls back.

I'm panting and a little delirious.

He's grinning. "For the record, I generally have to force myself to stop kissing you. Just so you know."

I giggle. "How do you manage to make me laugh and get me all steamed up at the same time?" I shake my head in awe and take a bite of my wrap. Mmm. So tasty. But then I notice he's not eating. The mood seems to have shifted suddenly, and I don't understand why.

"Everything okay, Edward?"

He nods, but looks down. "Well, I wanted to talk with you."

"Okay." He's oddly serious. I brace myself. I finish chewing, put my food down and wait for him to talk.

Lifting his head, he gazes at me like he sometimes does, holding me spellbound with his green eyes. "A year ago you moved in here, and I've loved every moment of kissing you, laughing with you, sharing a home with you…I love you, Bella."

I smile. "I love you too." Shit. This is serious. He's never this serious.

He nods. Swallows. "The thing is, I never want to be with anyone else, and even though neither of us is into traditional marriage, I still want to call you my wife."

My jaw drops. My heart pounds. I cover my mouth.

He regards me carefully as he reaches into his pocket. Pulls out a box. A BOX!

"I'd like you to wear this if for no other reason than to remind you that you are loved totally and completely by someone… and that you and you alone own my heart."

He pries apart the box, and it's the most delicate filigree band. Not really a wedding band, but far more than just a ring.

I reach out to touch it. "It's beautiful," I whisper. I'm overwhelmed. I shift my watery eyes to his. "It would be my honor to be yours, Edward. Forever."

He beams, simply lights up. He takes the ring from the box and places it on my left ring finger.

I hold my hand out, watching it sparkle in the sun. "It's amazing and beautiful – just like you, Edward. I love you."

I lunge at him. Wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze.

He holds me just as tightly. He pulls away. "My wife." He smiles wide.

"My husband." I beam right back.

"I want to take you on a honeymoon too, you know."

"You do?"

"Well, seeing as we're so traditional, how's Hawaii sound?" He smirks.

I squeal. Wrap my arms around him again. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

He laughs hard and holds me tight. Then he touches his lips to mine sending my heart up in flames all over again.

**A/N:**

**Thank you for reading! Last update at around 9pm EST...after the kiddies are in bed. :)**


	28. Chapter 28: December 2015

**Chapter 28: December 2015**

I can hear the giggling from the bedroom across the hall. And even though I'm folding the 900th load of laundry today, I can't help the smile that's spread clear across my face. Those giggles are hands-down my favorite sound in the world.

I know what's happening too. Edward's changing Carly, our six-month-old daughter, named after Edward's dad, Carlisle. Edward's got her on the changing table in just her clean diaper and, while she kicks like mad, he's blowing raspberries across her belly. Loud. Funny. Sweet.

Each and every time she squeals I know she grabs handfuls of his hair – the hair that matches hers.

He coos at her. She coos right back, the flirty girl that she is. The two of them are so in love. Hell, I'm so in love, and being surrounded by the joy in our cabin in the woods is more than I could have ever imagined possible a few years ago.

I mean, who would've thought that the whole mess of switching spouses would have led me here? It's laughable really, but…I guess I really did swap in some ways. I swapped out a mostly sad and unfulfilling life for one bursting with love, joy and lots and lots of diapers. It took me and 'us' a long time to get here, but I for one couldn't be happier and, by the peals of laughter in the next room, they couldn't be either.

**A/N:**

**Well, that was one heck of a ride for me! Hope you enjoyed it too! Thank you for your encouragement and trust even during the more vomit-worthy parts. lol It was such a freeing exercise for me to let the characters drive the story vs me being pushy, lol - thank you for accepting my experiment with such kindness. *hugs* I will always treasure your reviews and pm's. **

**Finally, my sincerest thanks to Shoeluvvr for allowing herself to be tortured by my comma use; to EMCxo for talking me off the ledge on more than one occasion and pre-reading the J/B sex a gazillion times; to Raina312 who is the sweetest cheerleader ever even if she's secretly evil; and to Cosmogirl7481 who despite her highly pervy appearance (in pajama jeans) is one of the funniest and most encouraging ladies ever!**

**Thank you all once again for reading and reviewing, and Happy Holidays!**

**Oh and P.S. - ****I realize this a/n is longer than the damn chapter, but jsyk, I'm not ruling out outtakes. If they speak to me, I'll write them. j/s**


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